Every Single on Paul McCartney’s the 7″ Singles Box, Ranked

What follows is a list of every single in Paul McCartney’s end-of-2022 box set, ranked by the quality of the actual single themselves, rather than each individual song. This elevates, say, “Take it Away” (“I’ll Give You a Ring” is great, and this is also true every time “C Moon” is the b-side), “Live and Let Die” (which remains too showtunes-y, but “I Lie Around” rules), or, most especially, “Ebony and Ivory” (“Rainbird” is so good) and really deflates, say “Silly Love Songs”, which is great, but the b-side to which is the Linda-led “Cook of the House”, which is less than great

Please to enjoy. 

“Jet”/”Let Me Roll It” (I’m only human, guys)

“Maybe I’m Amazed”/”Soily”

“Old Siam Sir”/”Spin it On” 

“Arrow Through Me”/”Old Siam Sir” (“Old Siam Sir” really is on two singles)

“Helen Wheels”/”Country Dreamer”

“Hi Hi Hi”/“C Moon”

“Band on the Run”/”Nineteen Hundred and Eighty Five”

“Dance Tonight”/”Dance Tonight” (Demo)

“Mrs. Vanderbilt”/”Bluebird”

“Jenny Wren”/”Summer of 59”

“Find My Way”/”Winter Bird/When Winter Comes”

“Birthday” (live)/”Good Day Sunshine” (live)

“Ever Present Past”/”House of Wax”

“Fine Line”/”Growing Up Falling Down”

“I Don’t Know”/”Come On to Me”

“Queenie Eye”/”Save Us”

“Sing the Changes”/”Nothing Too Much Just Out of Sight”

“Nod Your Head”/”222”

“I’ve Had Enough”/”Deliver Your Children”

“Hope of Deliverance”/”Long Leather Coat”

“Give Ireland Back to the Irish”/”Give Ireland Back to the Irish (Version)”

“With a Little Luck”/”Backwards Traveller-Cuff Link”

“All My Trials” (live)/”C Moon” (live)

“Young Boy”/”Looking for You”

“The World Tonight”/”Used to Be Bad”

“Uncle Albert/Admiral Halsey”/”Too Many People”

“I Want to Go Home”/”I Want to Go Home (Demo)” 

“The Back Seat of My Car”/”Heart of the Country”

“Live and Let Die”/”I Lie Around”

“Put it There”/”Mama’s Little Girl”

“Waterfalls”/”Check My Machine”

“Take it Away”/”I’ll Give You a Ring”

“My Brave Face”/”Flying To My Home”

“Beautiful Night”/”Love Come Tumbling Down”

“The Long and Winding Road” (live)/”C Moon” (live)

“Coming Up”/”Coming Up (Live at Glasgow”/”Lunch Box-Odd Sox”

“Silly Love Songs”/”Cook of the House”

“Temporary Secretary”/”Secret Friend”

“No Other Baby”/”Brown Eyed Handsome Man”/”Fabulous”

“Venus & Mars-Rock Show”/”Magneto and Titanium Man”

“Junior’s Farm”/”Sally G”

“New”/”Early Days”

“Love is Strange”/”I Am Your Singer”

“Letting Go”/”You Gave Me The Answer”

“Mull of Kintyre”/”Girls’ School”

“Hope for the Future”/”Hope for the Future (Thrash Version)” 

“This One”/”The First Stone” 

“Only Love Remains”/”Tough on a Tightrope”

“From a Lover to a Friend”/”Riding into Jaipur”

“Figure of Eight [7” Bob Clearmountain Mix]”/”Où Est le Soleil”

“Once Upon a Long Ago”/”Back on My Feet”

“We All Stand Together”/”We All Stand Together (Humming Version)”

“In the Blink of an Eye”/”Walking in the Park with Eloise”

“Pretty Little Head”/“Write Away”

“Pipes of Peace”/”So Bad”

“Press”/”It’s Not True”

“Who Cares”/”Fuh You” 

“C’mon People”/”I Can’t Imagine”

“Ebony and Ivory”/”Rainbird”

“Getting Closer”/”Baby’s Request”

“My Love”/”The Mess”

“Home Tonight”/”In a Hurry”

“Stranglehold”/”Angry”

“Goodnight Tonight”/”Daytime Nighttime Suffering”

“My Valentine”/”Get Yourself Another Fool” 

“Mary Had a Little Lamb”/”Little Woman Love” 

“Women and Wives”/”Women and Wives (St Vincent Remix)”

“The World You’re Coming Into”/”Tres Conejos”/”Save the Child”/”The Drinking Song (Let’s Find Ourselves a Little Hostelry)” (This is a double single from The Concert for Liverpool, and they’re performed by the Royal Liverpool Philharmonic Orchestra)

“Let Em In”/”Beware My Love”

“London Town”/”I’m Carrying”

“Listen to What the Man Said”/”Love In Song”

“Say Say Say”/”Ode to a Koala Bear”

“Another Day”/”Oh Woman Oh My”

“Party Party” (the b-side to this was apparently a different mix of this song, but it wasn’t in there)

“No More Lonely Nights”/”No More Lonely Nights (Playout Version)”

“Spies Like Us”/”My Carnival”

“Tropic Island Hum”/”We All Stand Together”

“The Christmas Song (Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire)”/”Wonderful Christmastime”

“Wonderful Christmastime [Edited Version]”/”Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reggae”

A Considered Look at Every Grammy Best New Artist, Part 3

So in previous Considered Looks, I looked at things that were specifically enshrined, either by popular money-spending opinion or by a single, deeply flawed organizational body. Now I’m going to look at something more incremental – the Grammy Award for Best New Artist. 

I’ve mentioned it before, but the Grammys are, like most large industry-type awards shows, heavily intertwined with advertising the things they’re awarding. There’s an aspect of the awards that has to do with both shoring up the credibility of the awards themselves and with selling more copies of the albums1, thus making the record label system that also props up the Grammys themselves more prosperous. It’s a sort of symbiosis – the grammys exist to drive sales, which itself helps the labels and industry-sectors that require those sales to continue doing business go along with the existence of the Grammys.

1 this is why the eligibility period cuts off not at the calendar year, but rather at the beginning of the fall major-release glut – those albums just came out and sold a bunch of copies (in theory) over the holidays, and don’t need the boost of an awards show in February as much as someone whose record came out the previous summer might. This is all fairly-simplified, but also I’ve gone over it a bunch in previous Grammys writeups, so I’m trying not to repeat myself too much. 

More specifically, though, the Best New Artist Grammy is more interesting than, say, Artist of the Year because there’s a bit more of a nebulous idea of what it is even meant to represent. It’s a sort of “rookie of the year” award2, which comes with the generalized expectation that not only did this act/band/musician/whatever have a good year, but that they would continue to do so. Since there’s no easy way to predict anything at all in the world of music, and least of all commercial or artistic success, this means that it’s interesting to see who, of all the people that had a good year in any given Grammys eligibility term, managed to have any other good years. 

2 although the terms of eligibility have occasionally meant that “new” is a pretty liquid term. 

That also, of course, leads one naturally to the oft-repeated notion that the category is cursed. There are, of course, no such things as curses, but it is interesting to see how, even when things were “healthy” for the Record Selling Industry they were unable to sustain the kind of success they were honoring here with any real consistency, and, for the better part of the last couple of decades, the award has shifted from one marking pop success to one that seems to be doing….something else, with some weirdly credibility-focused-seeming choices that seem less predictive and a more a way to get an award to folks with more cult followings that would otherwise not pay attention to the Grammys. 

Journey with me into the general morass of the folks that the record selling industry decided were, at one point, promising youngsters, and how correct they might have been! Or not! 

Previous Considered Looks can be found here and here (and going backwards from each). Previous parts of this series can be found here and here.

Carly Simon
WHO IS SHE: An heir to the Simon & Schuster fortune who wrote a song about Warren Beatty and then took several decades to admit it. 

WHO DID SHE BEAT: SHE BEAT BILL WITHERS. She fucking beat Bill fucking Withers and is, therefore, even worse than I thought. Also Hamilton, Joe Frank & Reynolds, which might be the only band whose name is, somehow, correctly punctuated, which is wild1.

1 It’s [Hamilton], [Joe Frank] & [Reynolds], not [Hamilton], [Joe], [Frank] & [Reynolds] 

WAS SHE NEW: Yes

AND…?: I mean, being rich and writing songs about Warren Beatty are not, in and of themselves, indicators of bad musical quality, but in addition to those bad ideas, also her music sucks. So. 

CURSED: Nope, no matter how badly you’d want her to be. 

America
WHO ARE THEY: They went through the desert on a horse with no name. There are no deserts in England (where they are from), so I guess they had to name themselves after a country with deserts. 

WHO DID THEY BEAT: John Prine. Look, I’m going to go ahead and say that whether these people are cursed or not, the Grammy voters suuuuuuuck. John Prine! Anyway, also the Eagles (lol). 

WERE THEY NEW: Yes

AND…?: I have not ever, in fact, sat down and listened seriously to America, and thought about doing so for this, and then decided after skimming some song intros that I was not going to do that. 

CURSED: Kind of. Their original singer had a religious conversion in the late seventies that culminated in a weirdly public feud and then he died, which is something that could be the result of a curse, I suppose. 

Bette Midler
WHO IS SHE: You know who Bette Midler is, so I will point out that it was still possible in the mid-seventies to parlay a wildly successful and highly lauded Broadway career into actual, legitimate pop stardom. 

WHO DID SHE BEAT: Barry White was her best contender. This might be the first time since The Beatles that the Grammy folks got it right. 

WAS SHE NEW: This is for her first album, so she was new to Grammy eligibility, anyway. 

AND…?: Bette Midler’s great, but I don’t actually listen to her music recreationally, so, you know. 

CURSED: Nope. 

Marvin Hamlisch
WHO IS HE: A songwriter and film-scorer. There aren’t a lot of those in this series, but I’m kind of happy there are some. This seems a little late for that, but there’s a sort of neo-traditionalism taking shape in the people that win here, and this would seem to be one of their bigger shots. 

WHO DID HE BEAT: I mean, it probably does help that there was basically no one of consequence here. Bad Company ain’t cuttin’ it. 

WAS HE NEW: No. He was a few years into things. 

AND…?: I love the score to The Sting, certainly. 

CURSED: No

Natalie Cole
WHO IS SHE: She is Nat King Cole’s daughter, and the first black person ever to win Best New Artist at the Grammys

WHO DID SHE BEAT: A bunch of white people (including KC and the Sunshine Band, saints be praised)

WAS SHE NEW: She was just about to release her second album, so I’ll allow it. 

AND…?: My early exposure to Natalie Cole as a singer was to hear her music in absolutely dreadful places, so I’m sort of negatively-disposed toward her. On the one hand, that’s not her fault. On the other hand, I’m writing this, so there. 

CURSED: She definitely had some years in the wilderness before her big comeback, yeah. I would be willing to include it. 

Starland Vocal Band
WHO ARE THEY: Beyond being a one-hit wonder, their one hit (“Afternoon Delight”) is so mind-bogglingly terrible that I can’t imagine anyone listening to it seriously. You probably know it from Anchorman if you don’t know it from terrible daytime commercials hawking albums full of equally-terrible songs (which is how I know it, aside from the other two2 references in this writeup).

2 uh…spoiler alert for two paragraphs from now

WHO DID THEY BEAT: Ok, look, Boston flamed out quickly, but they beat Boston circa Boston’s first album, and that album rules, so this was, in fact, a deeply terrible decision. I mean, there are very few people in the list of every nominee ever who would have been worse than this, but I feel like I want to go to bat a little for Boston, here. They also beat Noble Ohioans Wild Cherry, but that’s less of an outrage. 

WERE THEY NEW: 

AND…?: Did you know that YouTube is devoid of clips of the scene in Sports Night where Casey uses this specific Grammy award as evidence that he is, in fact, cool and Dan explains that it actually signifies that the Grammy voters are, themselves, uncool? Anyway, that’s sad and there should be more Sports Night in the world, generally. Also, two of these people co-wrote the John Denver song “Country Roads,” which is a thing I don’t know how to insert in any other place in this thing. 

CURSED: True story: as far as I’m aware, SVB are the ones who introduced the idea of there being a BNA curse in the first place, or else they’re the first people I heard talk about it – on some VH1 show a bunch of years ago. So, sure – if they think they were cursed, why argue?

The 2022 Nebula Awards (which are given out in 2023)

We have arrived all the way back at the first book awards I cover all year! This is very exciting for all of us. The Nebulas intro is usually pretty short: they’re a much more professional situation than, say, The Hugos1, and so there’s little enough controversy2 to deal with. 

1 which I’m not going to hijack the Nebulas to talk about but will put in a footnote: there’s a higher-than-average likelihood those are going to be a total shitshow this year, and boy oh boy am I not looking forward to it. I hope to be wrong, but if I don’t write up the Hugos this year, that will be the reason why. 
2 that said, there was a Baen editor who either aggressively misread or fundamentally misunderstood a spreadsheet, and somehow decided that meant everyone was in Tor’s pocket which, you know, happens basically every year at this point. 

This year they’ve implemented maybe my favorite award they’ve ever implemented: the Infinity award, which they’re giving to people that passed away before they could receive the Damon Knight Memorial Grand Master Award. They’re giving it to Octavia Butler, which is also great. Greatest of all: rather than mailing an award to a descendant or estate-handler, they’re making a donation to a cause supported by the author in question. In this case, and in cases where the recipient’s wishes cannot be discerned, they’re going to give it to the Octavia Butler scholarship.

You know how sometimes when you’re genuinely happy about something it’s hard not to sound sarcastic in text? Yeah, that’s kind of how I feel. 

As far as the rest of it goes: if I’m being honest, I have not read (as far as I can remember) a word of Noble Ohioan Robin McKinley’s work3, which is somewhat embarrassing, as I can’t remember if there has been a grandmaster I haven’t known anything by4. I am familiar with whatever aspect of her husband’s work made it intact into the animated The Flight of Dragons, but that’s, you know, not only a stretch, but a sexist one.

3 she lives in the UK tho, which is fine.
4 although I did forget that Eugie Foster had died in, I think, the first one of these writeups I ever did, which was pretty embarrassing. 

Oh, and they made sure that their scripts and stuff were all completed before the Writers’ Strike started, which is nice.

Anyhoo. Awards! Time to talk about ‘em!

Nebula Award for Game Writing
Dungeons and Dragons is much cooler than any video game, even huge ones written by George RR Martin. The end.

THE RIGHTFUL WINNER: Ajit A. George, F. Wesley Schneider, Justice Ramin Arman, Dominique Dickey, Basheer Ghouse, Alastor Guzman, D. Fox Harrell, T.K. Johnson, Felice Tzehuei Kuan, Surena Marie, Mimi Mondal, Mario Ortegón, Miyuki Jane Pinckard, Pam Punzalan, Erin Roberts, Stephanie Yoon, and Terry H. Romero, Journeys Through the Radiant Citadel

Ray Bradbury Nebula Award for Outstanding Dramatic Presentation
This may very well be the strongest Bradbury field since I started doing this5. I’m happy about any of this. The Sandman was wonderful, and I look very much forward to the next season, even if it’s the last one. I liked everything about it, but this isn’t an award for how much a guy in Denver likes your tv show. It breaks my heart to have to rule out Severance and Our Flag Means Death also6, but I’m glad they’re getting more seasons so I can be happy about them in years without this year’s top contenders. I want, actively, for Nope to have won a bunch of awards. I really do. I love Nope. The usual hype around Jordan Peele movies didn’t seem to carry this one all the way through, but it should have. Unfortunately, it’s not going to make it here. The Andor episode “One Way Out” is, as far as it goes, a perfectly-written piece of television. The number of things – thoughtful, emotional, exciting, things – that they cram into this script is incredible, and the bit at the end, which I will, for my sins, not actually spoil here, is one of the all-time great Star Wars moments. Unfortunately, it is only part of a story. Everything Everywhere All at Once already has a huge pile of awards, but the problem is: it deserves them, and it especially deserves awards for science fiction story-telling, which is what we have here. That said, maybe I’ll dust off my AO3 account and make some Waymond Wang/Cassian Andor buddy fiction. 

5 which is nine years
6 especially since if Claudia O’Doherty got mad at me I’d….oh wait, I forgot it’s not that kind of website.

THE RIGHTFUL WINNER: Dan Kwan & Daniel Scheinert, Everything Everywhere All at Once

Andre Norton Nebula Award for Middle Grade and Young Adult Fiction
Boy, some years the Bradbury category is a fucking drag, and by the time I get here I’m basically ready to hang myself, as though some soldiers had just taken my goose7. As it is, I’m pretty happy by being remembered that there was even, by some miracle, multiple good television shows this year. But, you know, I am dashed upon the rocks of the fact that I still don’t much like any of this. Oh, it’s fine. I’m not going to wish for any of it to be gone mostly, but, you know. I’m deeply not in the audience for most of this, so adjust the following accordingly.  

7 where my Isaac Babel heads at?

Maya MacGregor’s The Many Half-Lived Lives of Sam Sylvester is squarely and wildly not for me. It trucks heavily in being a sort of fictional true-crime vibe that runs heavily on descriptions of clothes and references to David Bowie. If this is your bag, then you’re in luck: it’s also zippy, and sets up a pretty good mystery as far as it goes. I’ll probably never think about it again. 

Deva Fagan’s The Mirrorwood seemed twisty, and had a genuinely interesting way of dealing with faerie-style magic. I liked the fantasy parts of it, but thought that it moved sort of mechanically from bit to bit, and felt more like a series of scenes than a story. 

Jenn Reese’s Every Bird a Prince has some cool monsters, and I’m generally in favor of impatient birds as characters. It also does an excellent job of intertwining the main character’s identity struggles (sexuality, presentation, the sorts of things that thirteen year olds are sort of surprised by biology into thinking about all at once) with the identity struggles that come with, say, trying to communicate with birds and eliminate a supernatural evil. Certainly it’s not the first to do so, but it does it well. 

K. Tempest Bradford, Noble Ohioan and pre-eminent Angry Black Woman, is a wonderful writer, and Ruby Finley vs. the Interstellar Invasion skews a little younger than the other books here and, I think, that helped me like it. Of course, I would have also been more primed to like it if she had titled it my idea, which would have been Ruby Finley Absolutely Wrecks a Fucking Golf Course in a Robot Bug, but that gives away a scene toward the end and has a cuss word in it, so I see why she refuses to respond to my letters. Anyway, it’s good, but very middle grade. 

H.A. Clarke’s The Scratch Girls surprised me by how much I liked it. It’s a sequel to a book I haven’t read, for starters8. It has a coven, a cranky book, a lot of crunchy, compelling gender and sexual identity stuff9, a very cool protagonist (with an even cooler dad) and a lot of heart. You could do a lot worse, is what I’m saying. 

8 although I almost certainly will at this point
9 for all that I’m a giant grump who hates everything all the time, I do like how many of these are presenting their narratives as containing genders and sexual identities that are not, necessarily, portrayed all the time in mainstream YA and middle grade fiction. Great job, everybody. 

THE RIGHTFUL WINNER: H.A. Clarke, The Scratch Girls

Short Story
This was a genuinely terrific year for this category – the stories selected here are uniformly excellent. It is a shame, then, that I suspect there’s a 900 pound gorilla in there. Oh, and a rare bit of misfortune for Our Hero.

Ai Jiang’s “Give Me English” appeared in Fantasy & Science Fiction, a magazine I no longer read, and for which it is extremely difficult to track down back issues at all. Since I am not a member of the SFWA, I have not read it. I hear it’s great, it sounds like it’s right up my alley (language as currency), alas and alack. Hopefully it gets reprinted somewhere. 

John Wiswell’s “DIY” is as joyful and exuberant as all of Wiswell’s work, and I’m absolutely here for any story about someone figuring out how to do an end-run around the moneyed powers that be. I’m going to take this opportunity, also, to address that I am – because the world is terrible and out to get me, personally – forced to call it “Cozy”, but I would like to also state that I prefer the much less stupid “nicetimes”. Anyway, “DIY” is a story about kindness and sharing and not giving rich people any more money. Can’t go wrong there. 

Suzan Palumbo’s “Douen” is a ghost story from the point of view of the ghost. It covers a lovely and generous emotional arc, and finishes up nicely. If I seem like I have less to say about it than some of the other things here, that’s kind of the case: I liked it, I’ll read it again if it pops up again, and I’m happy it’s in the world. 

Ian Muneshawar’s “Dick Pig” also concerns a haunting, although now that I’ve mentioned the two in juxtaposition I feel gross. Anyway, “Dick Pig” is, as the name would indicate, the best kind of gross. It’s also a genuinely scary haunted house story, creating a truly remarkable amount of tension and then getting out as weirdly as it came in. This is the first I’m hearing of Muneshawar, and I’m absolutely looking forward to more. 

I feel like Oghenechovwe Donald Ekpeki’s “Destiny Delayed” is as good as all of his other work – more hypercapitalist Nigeria, more people having to make heartbreaking choices as a result of the aforementioned hypercapitalism (in this case they’re literally mortgaging their futures) – but also feels like it’s opening up more. I’ve enjoyed all of Ekpeki I’ve read, but this really feels better in some way I can’t actually quite put my finger on. I’m genuinely torn between this and the next one as the rightful winner, but if you want the one I enjoyed the most, it’s definitely, absolutely this one. 

Samantha Mills’s “Rabbit Test” is the aforementioned gorilla10. It’s already also nominated for a Locus award, it’s almost-certainly a lock for the Hugo11, it’s going places on a rocket. In a future where implanted technology monitors all aspects of a woman’s health and anti-pregnancy measures are all illegal, a woman finds herself pregnant. The story hops around in time to talk about the history of combating pregnancy, and then combating the combatting of pregnancy. It’s done astonishingly well, it’s timely and pertinent, and it’s probably going to win everything all around. And it almost certainly should. But definitely also read “Destiny Delayed”12

10 Some of you may find that sentence taxonomically confusing, to which I say: sometimes rabbits are gorillas. Deal with it. 
11 or would be, in a year where anyone knew what the fuck was happening with the Hugos. Again: maybe it’s all fine! Here’s hoping!
12 and “Dick Pig”

THE RIGHTFUL WINNER: Samantha Mills, “Rabbit Test”

Novelette
Every year it remains the case that the novelettes that are actually long short stories work better than the ones that are very short novellas. This is, I feel, a distinction that I would have to spend some time and effort into figuring out why I believe it13, but year over year, I find that it’s true. Which, of course, means it could also be confirmation bias. Anyway. Some good material in here but, as with basically every year, this is the weakest field of the bunch. 

13 so, you know, expect to see a post about it or whatever

Wole Talabi’s “A Dream of Electric Mothers” is about a literalization of a sort of collective unconscious (that is, turning the collective memories of a place into a thing you can actually ask questions), and the temptation that offers a woman who has experienced the death of her mother. It’s a fine story – Talabi’s prose is always worth it – that I didn’t quite engage with as well as I would have liked. 

SB Divya’s “Two Hands Wrapped in Gold” finds Divya in the fairytale-retelling game, this time it’s King Midas. I’m always impressed (and, indeed, actively look forward to) Divya’s stories because she’s always super-mindful of including realistic class depictions in her work, which I love14. If I’m a little lukewarm on the fairytale thing, I suppose that’s not her fault. It’s good, and it does a lot of interesting things. If you’re more inclined to like that sort of thing, I bet you’ll be happy. 

14 I feel like I haven’t shut up about Runtime since I read it a long time ago, but if I haven’t told you to read Runtime, you should go do it right now. You’ve probably already read Machinehood

John Chu’s “If You Find Yourself Speaking to God, Address God with the Informal You” is a lovely “Superheroes in the real world” story that has more surprises than I would have thought, and manages to find some new corners of the interactions between normal people and super-powered people to shine a light on. 

SL Huang’s “Murder by Pixel: Crime and Responsibility in the Digital Darkness” is about what happens when people create AIs to themselves enact vigilante justice (in the form of online harassment). It’s a pretty good story with obvious grounding in the current debates about the future of AI and what we can do about it. 

Marie Vibbert’s “We Built This City” concerns a post-Earth city on Venus, where the environment is corrosive to the huge dome that protects the city, and thus, it is important that it be cleaned constantly. The usual corporate malfeasance ensues, and the story concerns the very real concerns of the people who very much need their jobs. It’s another in this year’s string of stories about trying to find a way out of the brutalizing reality of hypercapitalism. It’s almost like there’s something in the air… Anyway, great job, Vibbert. 

Natalia Theodoridou’s “The Prince of Salt and the Ocean’s Bargain” unfolds slowly, as a story about a man made of salt and the people he draws to him. It, disguised as a folk story, grows to contain thoughts about memory, the nature of the truth, and even what a story is and why we tell them, and it does so through a consistently-entertaining plot that is, despite the stuff I said a second ago about all the thinking, surprisingly light. 

THE RIGHTFUL WINNER: Natalia Theodoridou, “The Prince of Salt and the Ocean’s Bargain”

Novella
I didn’t read a lot of novellas last year, so I’m kind of stuck with what’s been nominated here as a sample set, but most of these are…fine? This is a field with a clear winner, which does happen most of the time, but in this case there’s really only one of these I would even believe could win. Maybe I’m just grouchy. Perhaps surprisingly, then, it’s worth noting that over half of these books are nicetimes15, including a couple that are surprisingly so. 

15 you got me to type the other thing once, don’t make me do it again. 

Jordan Kurella’s I Never Liked You Anyway is…Look. If a comedic Orpheus and Eurydice retelling that substitutes (egregious and, frankly, ridiculous) references for character-building and takes place in literally two goddamned schools, in two different timelines is something you’d like, may I suggest: maybe no it isn’t? I suppose I’ll try again next time.  

CL Polk’s Even Though I Knew the End is another in what is now a very long string of things Polk has written that I thought were very well crafted, explored an interesting way of constructing a love story, and also were entirely, deeply not my thing. That said, the noir bits of this really brought it up ahead of most of Polk’s work, and it’s a pretty effective angels vs. demons story. 

Kelly Robson’s High Times in the Low Parliament is the second of the books that deals in outright comedy16, as most Robson does. Taking a government of fairies that is going to let everyone in the country fall into the ocean if they can’t pass a vote, and thrusting into it our intrepid scribe, who has to write all of this down. The story gets a little shaggy (and occasionally seems to forget what story it is), but the ending is strong, and some of the scenes are about as funny as anything I’ve read in a long time. 

16 I didn’t like I Never Liked You Anyway, but it was, in fact, a comedy. 

RSA Garcia’s Bishop’s Opening is a science fiction story that feels like a fantasy story, and also uses chess as a metaphor for an entirely different chess metaphor, which is great. Also, the title is also a pun, which is also great. Beyond the wordplay, we have a pretty good story about building a family under bad circumstances, complete with surprise reunions, happy entanglements and unexpected love. 

Becky Chambers, A Prayer for the Crown-Shy is the clear standout here. When A Psalm for the Wild Built came out, I got to use this space to confess that I love long dialogue stories almost as much as I love curious robots. By situating this story more firmly within  world, I thought it was an even better way to get to know the characters and I hope that these two platonic peripatetic pals continue to perambulate through more permutations ok I’m done doing this. I hope there are more of these books.

THE RIGHTFUL WINNER: Becky Chambers, A Prayer for the Crown-Shy

Novel
I’ll say this for the field of nominees here, which is pretty good all around regardless: they have very little in common with each other, stylistically or formally. I was a fan of all of these, to varying degrees, and have very little complaint, which is, you know, nice, but also means there’s not much to say here that’s original.

Travis Baldree’s Legends & Lattes finds an adventurer hanging up her sword and inventing a coffee shop. It’s funny, and light, and has enough excitement to keep it going, but of course, excitement is very much not what we’re doing here. Most of this (see above) I can avoid using the c-word, but damn if this isn’t cozy. I recommend reading it, but I don’t think it’s the winner here. 

Ray Nayler’s The Mountain in the Sea is a real roller-coaster of a consideration here. The ideas – about the nature of consciousness, and ecology, and how to best interact with those things (that is, humans and the environment) – are first rate, and the bits where he’s writing about the ideas themselves – the debates, the “excerpts” from books in-world, some of the narration – is great17. The story doesn’t seem to hold up under it – it’s too complicated, and I found that the parts that were necessary to drive the narrative were kind of a chore compared to the parts where various beings try to decide if various other beings are conscious or not. 

17 it’s great in the same way that, say, his New Scientist pieces (the only other things I’ve read by him) are great

T. Kingfisher’s Nettle & Bone continues Ursula Vernon’s hot streak of getting it right every time. It plays largely with the traditional three-lady structure18, and then having it interact with some truly inventive spellcasting on a quest to save a sister. It lacks the revelatory complete-overturning that Kingfisher is sometimes capable of, but it does possess one (1) demon-possessed chicken, which I feel is a pretty good trade-off. It’s wildly entertaining, but less thoughtful than the last few. 

18 you know the one. Weatherwax/Ogg/Garlick

Nicola Griffith’s Spear and Tamsyn Muir’s Nona the Ninth are sort of co-runners up here. Spear is a retelling of Sir Percival, with somewhat less “sir” and somewhat more, well, story, honestly. I haven’t read anything by Griffith before now19, which usually makes me feel kind of stupid and, now that I have read Griffith, makes me feel really stupid. Anyway, it’s great, and I’m shocked and amazed by it. Someday I will come up with a taxonomical distinction that explains what historical fiction I like and what historical fiction I don’t, but this is not that day. 

19 I’ve been meaning to read Slow River for literally ever (like, actually since the nineties – quite possibly actually since it came out), and I’m not entirely sure what came between me and Hild, but until now this has been a tragic blind spot.

Tamsyn Muir’s Nona the Ninth is a surprising continuation of the Locked Tomb books. Tonally and stylistically very different from the first two, this moves the action out into a sort of wider world, and, in the usual Locked Tomb fashion, is twisty and confusing the whole time until it locks into place. It’s impressive, but is also, of course, a book in the middle of a series, and so has only as much story of its own as it needs to bear up. As part of the whole story, it’s great, as a thing that one would read on its own, it’s, well, twisty and confusing, and definitely pays it all off, but you have to get all the way to the end for it to do so. 

When RF Kuang’s The Poppy War came up in this space, and I read it, I said was that I liked a bunch of stuff about Kuang’s writing20, but that it seemed to wallow in the imagery it was using to impel its story in the way that activists sometimes use the most horrific images to forward their causes. Babel is no less subtle, but is two things The Poppy War wasn’t: 1) it’s surprisingly fun for how heavy it gets21, 2) gets to the point of the characters’ interaction with their suffering more quickly and 3) makes its points loudly and clearly. It’s the third point that I most enjoyed: it’s the thing that you’ll hear the worst person you know who reads fantasy point out as a problem22, but man, I don’t know. If the Poppy War was compelling like mid-eighties Henry Rollins (dark, brooding, getting a little too into the flagellation, not quite making all the points it thinks it is), then Babel is like early-eighties Henry Rollins: unsubtle, effective, satisfying. Babel is great for all the reasons I thought it would be, but it’s also fun and vivifying for reasons I didn’t necessarily think it would be. If, as FN20 explains, I expected to be a fan of Kuang’s work someday, well, that day has arrived. 

20 what I said was: “R.F. Kuang’s The Poppy War has a lot of things going for it. She writes fantastic prose, and the recasting of the Sino-Japanese war as an element in a god-magic inflected invasion story is pretty great…Still and all, the words and the character-building are good enough that I fully expect to someday be a fan of Kuang’s work. Just not this one. (the elision is the bit where I complain in detail about the relentless grimdark and also the predictability of the plot). I would go on to mention that it was clearly well-written but not my thing in, like, four other things: it got nominated for a whole tonne of awards and was included on the NPR list. Anyway, there’s no shortage of me saying the one thing I felt about The Poppy War, is what I’m saying.
21 especially if you’re into the micro-etymologies that are given as part of how cognates compel the magic – also, the magic system in Babel rules. 
22 ask the worst person you know who reads fantasy about it and if they manage to go through the whole conversation without using the word “preachy” to describe it, I will send you a dollar.

THE RIGHTFUL WINNER: RF Kuang, Babel

The 2023 MTV Movie/TV Awards

THE 5/5 PRE-POST UPDATE: As of right now, this show exists without a host or a writing staff (the strike was on the horizon when I wrote this a week or so ago, and now has fully arrived, which is great, and which I support). That said, Drew is out, but MTV is adamant that they’re going to keep happening, so I’m leaving this up. Without a host and without writers it could turn out to be quite a thing. But, you know, since I don’t know what that means (and, genuinely, do not believe that it’s still going to happen – I don’t think even MTV is that stubborn – but also, here’s the thing about it. Maybe it will stand as a monument to the MTV Movie/TV Awards that could have been.

And now for more silliness. The MTV Movie and TV Awards aren’t even the most famous of the MTV-based awards, but they might be the silliest. They are blast into the void, once every ten years or so something happens at them that makes any kind of news1, and most years I’m pretty sure I’m the only one actually paying attention to them. 

1 and we’re only a couple of years out from the COVID safety Sarah Michelle Gellar/Selma Blair kiss reenactment, so I’m gonna guess we’re still basically on mothballs here

They’re making it relatively easy on us this year: the only separation is between things that are scripted and things that aren’t, although they did add a “music documentary” category2, and a category for “kick-ass cast”. Once more the MTV Movie/TV Awards, which were also first across the line of gender-neutral categories, are doing the right thing, which is: swiping the “best cast” category from the SAG awards. Everyone should have a “full cast” award. 

2 which I’m in favor of in general, and opposed to specifically here, for reasons I get to down below. 

But they did not, of course, change the very stupid categories. You know the ones. They’re still there, safe and sound. Assholes.

Anyway, Drew Barrymore is hosting and they’re officially declaring Jennifer Coolidge a comedy genius. That means we might get another Jennifer Coolidge awards speech, which is just about my favorite kind of awards speech. 

Best Reality On-Screen Team
Every year I have to start this thing off by saying: I do not watch any of this. Not because I’m above it or whatever, but because I can barely make it through narrative tv that someone wrote, let alone narrative tv that someone cut together from existing footage of maniacs being maniacs. That said, and despite the fact that I haven’t watched actively in years, the RuPaul/Michelle Visage combination is great, and I’m happy about it.

THE RIGHTFUL WINNER: RuPaul Charles and Michelle Visage, Ru-Paul’s Drag Race

Best Host
Well, I don’t watch any of this3, but occasionally am entertained by Kelly Clarkson’s cover songs, so she wins. 

THE RIGHTFUL WINNER: Kelly Clarkson, The Kelly Clarkson Show

3 although I have, at various points, watched Drag Race and The Masked Singer, I just don’t watch either one anymore. This enables the joke below, handily enough.  

Best Competition Series
I only watch competition shows where at least one of the judges is likely to use the word “whisk,” so I don’t know anything about any of this. I’m going to do what I always do and give it to Drag Race.

THE RIGHTFUL WINNER: RuPaul’s Drag Race

Best Docu-Reality Show
You know, most years when I write about the reality shows here, I look up clips of the last season on YouTube and form an entire opinion around them. That seems unfair! But it is, probably, more fair than what I’m doing this year, which is rooting actively for a giant hole to open up in the Earth and swallow all of these people. 

THE RIGHTFUL WINNER: Giant Hole, Even the Earth Wants You Gone Season 1: Do Better

Best Music Documentary
I am actively opposed to being exposed to the music of four of the five candidates here. That makes this decision very easy. 

THE RIGHTFUL WINNER: Love, Lizzo

Best Song
But…all these songs are awful. Like, I know this category is always going to be pretty thin gruel, but these songs are awful. Just awful. Even when they’re songs by people who are capable of doing better, they did not do better this time. Shame. Shame.

THE RIGHTFUL WINNER: Lady Gaga, “Hold My Hand”

Best Kick-Ass Cast
True story: in 2018 the MTV TV/Movie Awards gave an award called “Best Team”, and I called it for Black Panther4, and, in fact, replacing Chadwick Boseman with The Spectre of the Idea with of Chadwick Boseman does not, in fact, make the cast any less the best part of the movie, except maybe the costumes. So it’s still Black Panther, is what I’m saying.

THE RIGHTFUL WINNER: Black Panther: Wakanda Forever

4 It went to Stranger Things, because people are stupid

Best Duo
As the resident Only Person Alive who didn’t actually find the second season of The White Lotus that good, I will say: the Italian sex worker ladies were the best part of it, and I would have happily watched more of a show about them. Alack. 

THE RIGHTFUL WINNER: Simona Tabasco & Beatrice Grannò, The White Lotus

Best Breakthrough Performance
Wouldn’t Bella Ramsey’s breakthrough performance been as the only good character in the final season of Game of Thrones? I just feel like we’re not being fair to people because everybody likes The Last of Us so much. Anyway. It’s not her anyway. It’s the Metallica dude.

THE RIGHTFUL WINNER: Joseph Quinn, Stranger Things

Best Fight
Oh hey! It’s the part of the awards cycle where I get to never shut up about Andor!

THE RIGHTFUL WINNER: Escape from Narkina 5, Andor

Most Frightened Performance
Bodies Bodies Bodies: not only the best title of the year, but also the best scared people.

THE RIGHTFUL WINNER: Rachel Sennott, Bodies Bodies Bodies

Best Kiss
I am an old man prone to introspection, and still every year I refuse to dig into why this category fills me with rage. It does, though. I hate it. I mean, for starters, I think I’m annoyed when something that’s meant to titillate the base is then given special space in other things for the efficacy of its base-titillation. But, like, that would also throw out every other category, since that’s what this whole thing is, and I generally like this whole thing. It is, however, terrible. Anyway, you see how this gets more confusing than it’s worth, and it’s easier just to dismiss it and move on. 

THE RIGHTFUL WINNER: I want Harry Styles to win awards for his acting (so that we always remember that we let him do that, and really very entirely should not have), but his acting is uniquely terrible, so I’m happy to let him have all of the marginalia like this, so that someday future generations can say “Oh hey, the One Direction guy was in movies, let’s see what that was about” and then realize that they live in a nightmare hellscape where nobody told him he couldn’t, and then they will know. Also, I almost always give it to the gay one anyway. Thus: Harry Styles & David Dawson, My Policeman

Best Villain
You know what? I think every year I make a joke about the MTV MTVAs are more than willing to spoil a movie to give an award to a secret surprise villain, and every year it makes me laugh. Combine that with everything I said about awards for Harry Styles, and I’m basically powerless. Several of these movies are better than Don’t Worry Darling, but the math isn’t on their side, see.

THE RIGHTFUL WINNER: Harry Styles (Spoiler Alert!), Don’t Worry Darling

Best Hero
No, seriously, guys. Andor isn’t just good for a Star Wars thing, it’s good for a television thing. It’s so good, you guys. So good.

THE RIGHTFUL WINNER: Diego Luna, Andor

Best Comedic Performance
The fact that the MTV MTVAs just throws movies and tv together with no regard makes this way easier to narrow down. Abbott Elementary is fine, but Nope was genuinely great, and Keke Palmer was genuinely great in it.

THE RIGHTFUL WINNER: Keke Palmer, Nope

Best Performance in a Show
You know, for this being a category full of shows that I don’t actually enjoy as such, this is actually a pretty strong category as, whatever else, it has successfully (mostly) identified the best part of all of these shows, except for The White Lotus, which I’ve already covered. It’s not April Ludgate’s fault, though. Also, she still shouldn’t win.

THE RIGHTFUL WINNER: Jenna Ortega, Wednesday

Best Performance in a Movie
Really, if Keke Palmer weren’t nominated for these things, I would probably have a much harder time, or, alternately, there would be a lot more mention of Michael B. Jordan. 

THE RIGHTFUL WINNER: Keke Palmer, Nope

Best Show
The sudden appearance of Yellowstone is amazing, but also probably indicates who it is that, no matter what MTV wants you to think, is actually watching these. That is to say: people older than me. I’m not sure how or why or if that’s true5, but that’s what the inclusion of Yellowstone says to me. Anyway, “best” is a pretty relative scale here. 

THE RIGHTFUL WINNER: Yellowjackets

5 and I will, of course, not be looking up the viewership demographics. 

Best Movie
So, back years ago, in the early and mid days of this space, I would write about every single nominee, and try to come up with a series of thoughts about the whole thing. The reason for this was that it sort of forced me to consider the sorts of things that were nominated over and over again, from several angles. Since ONAT has always been a space about the way in which the popularity of things was glommed onto6, this seemed like a way to consider things at basically the same level that the folks that put awards shows together were considering them. Anyway, I don’t do that anymore, and the reason is as simple as can be: I don’t have anything to say about most of this. The idea that this pool of movies represents the stock of available choices to the corporate synergy warriors that are getting whatever benefit out of helping promote these things, is kind of insane. And so we end up in the same position most often, which is there’s basically one thing on this list that I think justifies its own existence7, and thus: while I still write about every awards show I can fit on the calendar, I don’t write as much about as much of it, for repetition and sanity reasons. All of which is to say that, occasionally, I am confronted with a list of movies so fundamentally dreadful that I have to stop and be grateful that I no longer write about all of them. Aaaah. So grateful.

THE RIGHTFUL WINNER: Nope

6 I’ve written this – or something very like it – several times, and eventually when I get finished with the redesign it’ll be in a bio space, but that’s, basically, what I’m doing here: popularity is its own sort of thing – the movie that sells the most tickets, the book that sells the most copy, the song that has the most streams, whatever – but my interest is in the industrial components around it. THat is to say, Nope is a great movie that is remunerated however it’s remunerated, but here is MTV to further come along and say “yes, we too, a dying cable network, also like Nope. We probably have a different reaction to, say Keke Palmer in a Jesus Lizard t-shirt than the writer of this piece*, but we are on the same side”. Which is, of course, preposterous. Anyway, my point is: I used to turn this stuff over more to look for something deeper, which I don’t really do anymore. 
* even though it’s very much not that kind of website
7 sometimes there’s more than one, but it’s pretty rare, especially in a movie category. 

The Best Records of April 2023

Wednesday – Rat Saw God (I don’t know man, I expected to like this one, but it exceeded every expectation.)

Robbie Fulks – Bluegrass Vacation (in which a former member of Special Consensus proves to the world that he’s still got all that.)

Bell Witch – Future’s Shadow Part I: The Clandestine Gate (it is shaping up to be a terrific year for wildly-ambitious high-minded heavy metal, and I am here for it)

Thomas Bangalter – Mythologies (it’s substantially different from both Daft Punk and, somewhat, surprisingly, his soundtrack work, almost entirely for the better)

Bill Orcutt – Jump On it (sometimes these aren’t surprising at all