Angels of Light – Everything is Good Here/Please Come Home
David Mitchell – Cloud Atlas
Da Ali G Show
Sunn0))) – White1
A Mighty Wind
Drive-By Truckers – Decoration Day
Star Wars: Clone Wars
Berkeley Breathed – Opus (the second-to-last comic strip, which is neither Outland nor the current one. I understand it’s hard to keep track. You can do it.)
We gather here today to discuss, at long last in this space, Iggy. You see, every time Iggy has made a record in the time this space has existed1, I have considered whether this was the record that provided me the chance to say some stuff, and every time, it turned out that the record was boring, pointless, or boring and pointless2. But now he has linked up with Andrew Watt, and now I get to talk about that, for reasons that I will mostly get to within the body of this here writeup.
1 there have been 4, counting this one 2 respectively, again, cutting off before this one
The longtime readers among you may recognize WattTalk as a feature, predominantly of the last couple of Ozzy Osbourne records. He’s the guy that bridges the seemingly-disparate worlds of Post Malone and Ozzy Osbourne3, and whatever other charms they may have, they succeed largely in giving Ozzy the space to play a cartoon of himself4 on records that are, if nothing else, modern-sounding. You can read more about them here and here.
3 the non-familiar among you may be interested to know that it appears that the Post Malone (or Justin Bieber, or Dua Lipa, or Miley Cyrus) bit is the anomaly: dude started playing in a band with Glenn Hughes when he was barely old enough to drink, which is some real Classic Rock Dude cred – I wouldn’t be able to do it. 4 although, I suppose, not more than he usually does.
Creating a place for aging rock stars to make music that sounds like it takes up space in the same pop-music world that, I presume, pays his bills5, and it’s a good gig. It seems, at least, satisfying in a way that, say, making a Chainsmokers record does not. Although, again, I don’t know the man. I’m sure he’s a professional. But he’s done it for Ozzy, and he’s done it for some of Elton John’s Lockdown Sessions, and he’s even done it for Eddie Vedder, so clearly he’s warming up to something here6. And along the way, we have Iggy.
5 I’m not familiar with the man’s financials, but I’m willing to bet that producing, say, “Havana” or “Peaches” or “Senorita” or, like, any given Selena Gomez song pays more than both Ozzy albums put together. I also freely admit that I have no idea if that’s true. 6 although stay tuned for where this all is going ultimately – I wouldn’t be laying all this brick if I didn’t want there to be a road to somewhere.
Perhaps it was inevitable. After all, Watt is out here updating the presented sound of old rock dudes, and Iggy’s discography is littered with producers who want to help Iggy be his best Iggy7, and we can presume that this is no different. He’s started a subsidiary of Atlantic8 called Gold Tooth, and he’s invested heavily in the man himself, or at least convinced a corporation to do said investing (to whatever extent that’s even happening anymore) at his direction.
7 or, more often, to sort of guide Iggy into their own version of Iggy. The reason so many Iggy solo albums are kind of duds is that it’s basically-impossible to do that, in fact. 8 the record label that released Fun House, about which expect to hear more
Most of what makes Iggy Pop a figure worthy of Gold Tooth-ing to gold record Valhalla has been covered extensively. He founded the Stooges in the late sixties, creating a sound and way of presenting that sound that went on to influence whole entire-ass subgenres, most notably punk rock. When the Stooges imploded9, he made a couple of highly-regarded records with David Bowie (The Idiot and Lust for Life10), from which came most of what you’d call “the hits” – “Lust for Life,” “China Girl,” “Nightclubbing”, “The Passenger,” “Funtime.”
9 they actually imploded several times, so it’s probably more accurate to say “when the Stooges finished imploding for the final time until the twenty-first century” 10 fascinatingly, the backing band for Lust for Life would go on, fifteen or so years later, to comprise David Bowie’s heavy metal band Tin Machine
He then wandered around in his own wilderness for a while. He made a couple of albums with The Stooges’ final guitarist, James Williamson, then he made one with Glen Matlock, then a couple with the guy from Blondie, then things got real bad, and he had some more relatively-successful (for him) hits (his cover of “Real Wild Child,” “Candy”, “Wild America”), and then spent a decade making extremely-unsurprising (and not very good) records with various and sundry folks over the course of several records, the last of which, Skull Ring, had a brief Stooges reunion11.
11 the conceit of the record was that there were several backing bands – his band The Trolls, Green Day, and the Stooges are the ones I remember.
The brief Stooges reunion on Skull Ring led to a less-brief period of The Stooges existing, only with Mike Watt12 picking up the bass for them, a thing that has always made me very happy for Mike Watt. They made a couple of records – one very good, one fine, both better than any Iggy solo album – and toured a bunch, finally drawing to a close upon the deaths of founding brothers Scott and Ron Asheton (in 2009 and 2016).
12 of whom nothing negative shall e’er be said upon this space.
Amid this, he made a couple of French-language cover records, a couple of highly-collaborative records (with Josh Homme and Underworld), and then a record with perennial-ONAT favorite Noveller. If this seems rushed and unfocused, it’s kind of because there’s little to focus on, for better or for worse.
In a lot of ways – that is to say, all ways but one – it’s exactly what I would want for someone who was responsible for so much that I love. Iggy is committed to a sort of peripatetic artistic state – a jazz musician’s willingness not only to put together the band for the occasion, but to decide what that occasion should even be. He certainly hasn’t made very many records to suit other people13, and he seems to be getting everything out of that that he wants.
13 very little can convince me that there’s anything redeemable about Blah Blah Blah except that it made Iggy Pop some money
It seems like it’s a nice situation to be in: you don’t have a lot of expectations by this point, having spent so long thwarting them. It does, however, make me wonder about the Andrew Watt of it all. I can speculate, but my speculations start at “uncharitable toward and old man’s motives” and only move south from there, but, you know, what does that matter?
So Watt, however it happened, got Iggy into the studio and plugged him into the Andrew Watt House Band14: Watt himself, Chad Smith, Duff McKagan and Josh Klinghoffer. Further from pulling from his establishing records with Ozzy, Watt also larded the record with guest appearances, maximizing the Classic Rock Dude names-per-minute ratio. Three different members of Jane’s Addiction (including two of their bassists15), Classic Rock Dude lifer Travis Barker16, the recently-departed Taylor Hawkins, of whom I will not be making fun, but who did play Iggy Pop in a movie once17, and Pearl Jam’s Stone Gossard18.
14 not their official name 15 actually, it’s kind of surprising to me that Flea isn’t involved in this record 16 who, to his credit, appears on a song that’s largely about how silly it is for Travis Barker to exist, which is pretty funny 17CBGB 18 Andrew Watt is producing the next Pearl Jam album, which will be a part of WattWatch, and which will also enable to get real into it w/r/t Pearl Jam.
The music is, well, fine. The band is pretty good, as far as it all matters, at playing “Iggy songs” on this one, and “Ozzy songs” on the Ozzy records, which I suppose is what you’d expect from such a studio-associated set of people. It’s purposefully front-loaded, with the opening track (and lead single) “Frenzy” going full-genitals in its opening line, and sounding more-or-less exactly like what you’d expect if someone told you Iggy was going to make a “return to form” type record in 2023. The second single is also the second song, “Strung Out Johnny”, featuring Iggy in slow-song mode and, frankly, not being nearly as good.
Having put up the poles to establish the album’s parameters with the first two tracks, that’s just about where we sit for the whole runtime19. There’s several instances of “I Wanna Be Your Dog” piano20, which, at a certain point (“All the Way Down,” an actually-pretty-good song, and the one with Stone Gossard on it) became funny. The other high point is “Comments,” which at least works as a sort of braindead-disco-rock thing21, and gives the world a tragically short-lived rhythm section of Taylor Hawkins and Eric Avery. Ah, what could have been.
19 which is admirably brief – at least nobody’s overstaying their welcome. 20 or maybe it’s “Sick of You” piano, if, indeed, “Sick of You” piano isn’t just “I Wanna Be Your Dog” piano transposed to another song. 21 in a good way
Despite the music being, you know, not actually very good, there’s a sort of life-affirmingness to it. Part of it is just that it’s hard not to be affirmed by the continued existence of Iggy in general, and part of it is the immature joy he takes in writing (and vocalizing) some of the most puerile, immature lyrics the world has ever known. Even when he’s writing about the vicissitudes of climate change (“New Atlantis”), he’s doing so by hitting on uh…the city of Miami. And that’s leaving out the lines about his dick, or the whole business at the end with the Regency. It’s dumb, it’s funny, and it’s almost enough to save the album.
But, you know, it doesn’t. But also, that’s sort of the point of the Andrew Watt family of products: it doesn’t really matter that the album, itself, is not much of a thing. The important thing is establishing and furthering the Andrew Watt family of products, and getting a high profile record out of a dude who, frankly, has done more than enough to earn it. It worked for Ozzy, it appears that it’s going to work for Iggy, it’ll be interesting to see if it works for Pearl Jam, and, of course, the thing this is all building toward is the possibly-never-coming-out Morrissey record.
Those are in the future, as well as, I don’t know, his inevitable time behind the desk for a Smashing Pumpkins album or some dumb thing. For the present: Iggy Pop’s Every Loser is an album that’s fine if you just want to spend thirty-five or so minutes listening to an old man pretend to be a young man, and probably pretty easy to skip beyond that.
You guys know how it goes. 50 songs, alphabetical order, Spotify thingy at the bottom. By whatever confluence of forces made it so, I found that there’s less overlap between this and the albums list than there usually is, but I suppose that’s what comes of traveling a lot over the course of the year – a lot of airport and car stuff came through the ol’ ears this year.
This is, nevertheless, an impeccable and unassailable list, perfect in its correctness. As per usual, a Spotify list is appended to the bottom, and, as per usual, there’s a bunch of songs I had to replace because they aren’t on Spotify.
Please to enjoy.
1 Mile North – Where Light Collapses Into Night For years and years (and years) there were only two 1 Mile North records, and they were one of the sort great lost bands of Brooklyn, disappearing unheralded while other, significantly-worse bands continued on to acclaim and celebration. And then a few years ago they stepped on the gas, and now we’re getting more incredible music and regular intervals. It feels like a reward for sticking with them.
Backxwash – Vibanda (f Morgan-Paige & Michael Go) Backwash continues to impress every time, but really, this is the best Mozart sample in a very long time, and that deserves singling-out for praise.
Björk – Her Mother’s House I mean, surely I don’t have to explain an extremely sad Björk album with a mushroom motif, right? I mean, she’s basically gotten right every single time she’s made an attempt, and this is no different. Gorgeous but devastating.
Black Midi – 27 Questions Black Midi have tapped into a vein that’s entirely their own, but even with this knowledge, I still didn’t expect a showtune-style breakdown to be the best song on Hellfire. Wonders never cease.
Blood Orange – Jesus Freak Lighter I guess, if I have to, I can accept a slow trickle of Blood Orange music. It’s fine. Sigh.
Boris – (not) Last Song Boris made three albums this year (one of which was a companion to one of last year’s albums), continuing a fertile streak that bands half their age don’t embark upon. Heavy Rocks (their third album of that title) leans heavily into the visual kei motif that Atsuo (especially) has been working in (in fact, on the tour for this record, he was the frontman, rather than the drummer), and, as a result, is as good as every Boris album named Heavy Rocks. All that said, it could have been any number of songs here. They have a pretty-much perfect track record for album-closers, though.
Botch – One Twenty Two Botch stands as almost-certainly the most unlikely reunion I’ve ever been aware of (it might also be Big Black, who I saw play some songs at the Touch & Go Records Anniversary thingy a billion years ago, but that’s an entirely different story), but man, if you’re going to put twenty-two years of not being in this band anymore into one song, this is the way to do it.
Brutus – What Have We Done It’s rare that I like a heavy band specifically because of its singer, but if “What Have We Done” does nothing else, it establishes that Stefanie Mannaerts (who’s also the band’s drummer) is at the top of the heap, vocal-wise. Also, every song on this album rules, so it’s basically just the last chorus that gets this one (and not any given other song) on the list. That’s one hell of a thirty or so seconds, right there.
Bill Callahan – Natural Information Bill Callahan, having already written a pile of great songs taller than almost anyone else still making music, continues to put out records at a young man’s clip, and they continue to work out basically every time. I would like to be half as good, and half as consistently good, at what I do as he as at what he does.
Chat Pile – grimace_smoking_weed.jpeg In an interview with Brooklyn Vegan, Ben Greenberg of Uniform says of God’s Country “finally, good noise rock,” and, frankly, I have little to add beyond that.
The Chats – The Price of Smokes I mean, if you disagree, that just means you’ve never sung along. Go sing along to it. You’ll get it.
Cocaine Piss – Lalalala Fuck Me Longtime readers will know that there are few things I find more satisfying than when a great band decides to end it on top and on their own terms, and does so with a great song. Way to go, Cocaine Piss.
The Comet is Coming – Technicolour The Comet is Coming’s origins are in a sort of instant-chemistry that resulted in their immediate prolificacy, and the joy in their music is that their ability to play together effortlessly is, functionally, the actual centerpiece of the music, whatever the synths or drums or saxophone are doing individually. If this sounds like I’m describing the way that small-band music works, well, I am. But, you know, this is a really good one.
Ami Dang – ਸੰਤਹੁ ਮਨ ਪਵਨੈ ਸੁਖੁ ਬਨਿਆ (Unstruck Sound) Ami Dang joins a small club of people who made their music somewhat less ambient. She wins full marks from me for also making it joyful and thoughtful, and, frankly, the sort of album I could listen to just about any time, even if it isn’t at the top of the rotation.
Dead Meadow – Binah Dead Meadow are a band that delivers (and delivers every time – I’m praising, here) the goods in basically the same way each time they come out. The fact that this record, which I was already very excited about, turns the “blues dial” down a couple notches and the “doom” dial up by about the same amount is enough to make Our Hero practically ecstatic.
Domi & JD Beck – Not Tight (f Thundercat) See it’s ironic, see, because they actually are tight, see. Somehow one of the best jazz records of the year was made by a drums-and-keyboard duo of toddlers. It really gives one hope for the future.
Dram – WHAM! If nothing else, Dram can still be credited with several of the twenty-first century’s best hooks, and that’s good enough for me.
RAP Ferreira – Ark Doors It sure seems like RAP Ferreira is gearing up for something big, doesn’t it? The thing about prolific artists is that you get to watch them move somewhat more slowly toward new things over time, rather than folks that only send out recorded missives every few years. Anyway, it sure seems like something’s changing in there, and while I’m excited to see where that goes, it’s also perfectly fine if he just does this forever. Works for me either way.
Flo Milli – Big Steppa I do hope that some things are self-evident. I mean, I don’t always have a deep reason for liking this stuff, is all I’m saying.
Alex G – Cross the Sea Alex G continues to get better with every album, and this one yielded three or four contenders (“Runner,” “Blessing,” and “Miracles” jump to mind) for this list. God Save the Animals is a remarkable record, is what I’m saying.
Freddie Gibbs – Too Much (f Moneybagg Yo) Sometimes a practitioner in any given subgenre is so good at what they do that they make the rest of the subgenre look silly. There are other gangsta rappers that I listen to, but not nearly as much so as Freddie Gibbs.
Gilla Band – Eight Fivers Who’d have thought, ten years after their cover of “Why’d They Hide The Bodies Under My Garage?”, Gilla Band would have first changed their name and then somehow blossomed into a genuinely ferocious noise-rock presence. I’m using the descriptor “noise-rock” a lot. I should think about stopping. Unfortunately, it’s not going to happen.
Herzog – Stupid Youth It may be a joke that no one that reads this gets, but I’m going to say, for my own satisfaction: A Hotel Room in Your Hometown, the new Herzog album, also doubles as the great lost Expecting Rain album, which is welcome and wonderful.
Hiram-Maxim – Hive Mind Hiram-Maxim are probably the best noise rock band that currently operates in Cleveland. This is my favorite of their songs. That’s about it.
Robyn Hitchcock – The Sir Tommy Shovell Shufflemania! is a great Robyn Hitchcock album (most Robyn Hitchcock albums are great, but this one is especially so), and part of the thrill is the presence of Kimberly Rew. This song is also abetted by the pride of Detroit, Michigan, Brendan Benson. There’s a murderer’s row of great musicians on this record, but it’s this particular assemblage that works the best for me.
Horse Lords – Zero Degree Machine All I’m saying is that it seems like Baltimore is a less-austere environment than Germany, so relocating to Germany (as Horse Lords did) is liable to make you open up your music a little bit. A little bit. It’s still a Horse Lords record.
Ka – We Not Innocent Ka released two great records on the same day, which has inadvertently become a sort of through-line for this writeup. Like the other folks on this list that had an unusually productive 2022, it was an easily-justifiable productivity as both Languish Arts and Woeful Studies are great.
Kyle Kidd – Glass Dance The biggest-voiced (and most spectacular) member of ONAT favorites (and, you know, Cleveland in general favorites) Mourning [a] BLKstar embarked on a solo album and, wouldn’t you know, it’s just about as good as one could want it to be.
The Lord + Petra Haden – What Lies Behind Us Lies Buried Because it is Dead Greg Anderson is in the middle of a fertile streak that is yielding some surprising fruit, but the most surprising is probably this here record with Petra Haden, which manages to capture the best parts of both of them.
Marlowe – Godfist (f Deniro Farrar) Mello Music Group continues to have probably the most-impressive roster in hip-hop (Quelle Chris! Open Mike Eagle! Stalley! Homeboy Sandman! Skyzoo! Namir Blade! Seba Kaapstaad!), and while it seems unfair to L’Orange and Solemn Brigham to reduce the twenty or so words I’m giving their 2022 high point to their label, it’s also true that sometimes I don’t have much tos ay about the actual music, here.
Makaya McCraven – The Knew Untitled At this point I’m not saying anything new, here. Makaya McCraven is great, he puts together incredible bands, this rules. I am, however, going to be that asshole and say that I just hope he makes a recording of this song the way he plays it live now, because that’s even better.
Martha – Baby, Does Your Heart Sink? I feel like I have nothing to say about this song that isn’t contained in the act of listening to that chorus. Sometimes you need some power-pop dessert, you know?
Medicine Singers – Sanctuary This record is amazing on its own merits. If you know me, or have been reading for awhile, you could probably have guessed that a record that unites the talents of the late Jaimie Branch (!), Ikue Mori (!!) and Yonatan Gat (!!!) was probably always going to have been a record that brough Our Hero to the table, but this is even better than I could have expected.
Menace Ruine – Umbra Horrenda It took eight years or so for Menace Ruine to return to my ear-holes, but it’s a much-welcomed return. Tense, sad, a little spooky, and utterly beautiful. It’s also not on Spotify, where it was replaced by the Sudan Archives song in the honorable mentions.
Mess Esque – Liminal Space Boy, it’s a shame that I wasted my “string of adjectives followed by ‘utterly beautiful’” thing on the last one, because that sure could work here, also. Did you know that Mick Turner has never played on a bad album? It’s true! I mean, this song isn’t from an album per se, but I bet if it’s put on one, that album will be good, because Mick Turner has never played on a bad album.
Nadja – Blurred I’m old, and this year was a year of enormous personal change and upheaval, and it was nice to return to stuff that pretty-much always works for me. The fact that Robyn Hitchcock, Nina Nastasia and No Age (to name the ones that are on this list) came out of cold storage helped in this matter, but a thing that I don’t often get the chance to mention in this space is how much I appreciate bands that continue on, year over year, making thoughtful, impressive music. Aidan Baker is, in this respect, a staple of the februarymakeup musical diet. His drone-metal band Nadja (the other member is his wife, Leah Buckareff) are great every time out but, in what I can only assume is a personal favor to me, a rando from the middle of the US that they’ve never met, they went ahead and stepped it up and made Labyrinthine, their best record in many years (although Nalepa, from earlier in the year, is just about its equal). I appreciate it, certainly. I really needed it.
Nina Nastasia – Nature I suppose it’s not surprising that it took a momentous and upheaving set of life circumstances (which circumstances, if you’re not aware, are not hard to find if you do a little Bing-in’) to get Nina Nastasia into the space to make another incredible record and, under the circumstances, it’s very hard to call it a good thing, all things considered, but man, it sure is incredible music.
Rachika Nayar – Our Wretched Fate (f Maria BC) I’m always interested to see what happens when ambient types turn up the volume, and this is no exception. I hope she continues to make more records in this mode.
No Age – Tripped Out Before Scott No Age started out weird, and then spent some time being the kind of consistent that lets you know where you stand (although a perusal of this very website will show that it pretty much always worked), and then, in my favorite of veteran-band trends, they got real dang weird, and made their least-direct record yet. It’s a great idea. If you’re reading this and you’re in a band that’s considering doing so, allow me to encourage.
Open Mike Eagle – Circuit City I suppose it’s not impossible to have predicted that OME would follow-up a couple of sad, wistful albums with something a little more upbeat, but, you know, it’s certainly welcome, and he can do just about anything, so it’s always good to hear.
The Otolith – Ekpyrotic It’s probably not all there is to say about them that The Otolith is mostly members of SubRosa with a different bass player, but the same general approach, but, well, it kind of is. That’s not a dig – SubRosa were fucking great, and a band that does basically that, but now it’s got a new name, is welcome.
Russian Circles – Gnosis I started a blurblet for this song, and then walked away and only noticed in the editing that I never finished writing it, so please enjoy: a genuinely-great Russian Circles song about which I have so little to say that I didn’t even finish it the first time.
The Sadies – Better Yet Dallas Good died, and that was a huge kick in the stomach. The band has announced that they’re going to go on without him, which is better for the world (the world is better with The Sadies in it), and is going to make the first time they play whatever city I’m in at the time just devastating. But, you know, this song is great, and reminds the listener that there are reasons to celebrate that we had Dallas Good, and not merely lament that we lost him.
Sault – Life We Rent but Love is Free There were lots of great Sault songs this year, ranging over the seven records they released this year (five of which were released on the same day), records that largely enriched the band’s catalog while still not revealing very much about the participants (which I find impressive), but the one I spent the most time with was the simplest one, this one.
Micah Schnabel – Christian Band This is a super-late entry to the list, but, you know, it’s my website. I think I mention every year in one of these write-ups that I don’t know or remember or often, even internalize, the words to songs, and, as can be evidenced by this very list, a whole lot of the music I listen to doesn’t have words in the first place. Micah, however, is one of maybe three exceptions, and taking a pretty funny premise and turning it into a statement of purpose is the sort of thing that he does better than literally anyone else. In a just world, he’d be the most famous songwriter in the world, and would not have to write songs about not wanting to be poor anymore. Which is, you know, a different song, but since the live album that this comes from isn’t on Spotify, please enjoy that song (“Coin$tar”) on the Spotify playlist.
Tom Skinner – Bishara Tom Skinner finished up the tenure of the all-time-great Sons of Kemet, spent the year touring as a member of The Smile, and still managed a solo record. That would be impressive on its own, but the fact that his quality level is so high is nothing short of miraculous.
SZA – Too Late I wonder if SZA thinks that she’s cursed? This record took so long to come out, and the road to its completion and release was so fraught, that I might think she’s cursed, and I don’t even believe in curses. Anyway, it’s great.
Two Cow Garage – Promises I had some concerns after attending their anniversary show early on in 2022 that TCG were, if not done, then existing in a seriously reduced capacity. And maybe they are, but man, there was some good movement there this year, and this is my favorite Shane song since, like, “History Now”. Also, it’s not on Spotify, so rock out to Hammered Hulls’s “Abstract City” instead, if that’s how you choose to hear all this.
Wednesday – Bull Believer This song is, allegedly, inspired by season 2 of the incredible Cocaine and Rhinestones podcast, which means that this song (which is great) comes from the same soil as George & Tammy (you will never convince me that listening to TMC was not directly responsible for that show getting made, even though he had nothing to do with it), and that sucks. So, you know, source material is a moot point I guess? Also, this is officially the song that turned me around on Wednesday, a band that I didn’t think much of prior to this point.
Billy Woods – Magdalene (f Elucid) It’s really not an Armand Hammer track, but it does show that there might not be a better partnership in hip-hop. It might also show that, as far as I can tell, Billy Woods is incapable of doing anything wrong.
Honorable Mentions: High Vis’s “Trauma Bonds” was probably the best entry into what I’m going to start calling “therapy rock” – where bands use therapy terms to make vaguely-uplifting rock music. It’s the thing (I presume) that made everybody go absolute bananapants over that Gang of Youths record (or Self-Esteem, or even Cleveland’s mighty Biitchseat, just to name some examples) or whatever. It’s almost good enough to get over despite that! Carly Rae Jepsen’s “Talking to Yourself” is the best of CRJ’s songs about being hot, but, you know, is not quite enough to get it in there. Rico Nasty’s “Into the Dark” is a fun change of pace (as it’s a ballad). Hammered Hulls put out a surprisingly good record (and were surprisingly good live), and the high point is “Abstract City,” although it is likely elevated to its heights by that riff. Black Thought is another person who’s been good at this for a very long time, and I didn’t expect to like Cheat Codes as much as I did, but I did, and “Strangers” is an awfully good song besides. Naima Bock has left Goat Girl, and her first solo record is pretty satisfying, as exemplified by “O Morro”. Boris probably should have made it twice for their fade standout “序章 三叉路”, but I have rules, dammit, and “(not) Last Song” is better. Sudan Archives’ excellent Natural Brown Prom Queen had no shortage of standouts, but “OMG BRITT” is probably the best of them. Meechy Darko, the Tom Waits-ier half of Flatbush Zombies, made a pretty good record, and got A-Trak and Freddie Gibbs to help on “On God”.
Hey everybody! It’s Golden Globes time! One of the unforeseen uh…wrinkles in living in a time of topsy-turviness means that, in addition to getting to dig in on various awards situations and their various falling-outs, I actually have gotten to write these little posts about an awards show that has basically imploded, and may or may not ever matter again.
1 it turns out that institutionally asserting that white people are the default consideration, and that tokenism is still a valid approach to representation is unpopular! Who knew?!
2 NB that this is due to the fact that their president at the time called BLM a “racist hate group”, rather than due to the greater failure of the HFPA, but it’s also not not part of the institutional problems that their president was the sort of dude who would tweet such a thing. 3 himself the outspoken public face of a destructive cult, so things is bad
I suppose it spared them another dumb press conference a month later when, after they finally gave a best actor award to a black guy, he then engaged in some seriously dumb behavior at another awards show.
In any event, whether this is the first step to them rising, phoenix-style, into a respectable awards show that actually manages to consider the totality of the filmmaking experience, or if this is all window-dressing to them eventually hanging a “Whites Only” sign above the door4, we’re here now, at the first step down the comeback trail for them. Or, you know, not.
4 not to mention what this might have done, culturally, to their position as “the awards that lead most directly up to the Oscars”, which have their own deal that I’ll get to in a month or so.
Jerrod Carmichael is hosting (which is great)! Eddie Murphy is getting the Cecille B. Demille Award (which is an award!). Ryan Murphy (no relation) is getting the Carol Burnett Award (I still don’t really understand what it is)! We’re doing this!
Best Supporting Actress in a Limited or Anthology Series or Television Film You know, usually I rail against people being nominated for playing characters for a long time and continuing to be nominated for awards for doing so. Admittedly, I don’t usually start off in the second season of one’s performance5, but it’s worth noting that one of the things that I like about the work that Jennifer Coolidge is doing in White Lotus is the face that she did it twice. It’s good, I like it, I’m in favor, great job all around.
THE RIGHTFUL WINNER: Jennifer Coolidge, The White Lotus
5 I mean, it’s only natural, there does need to be some time to actually develop the performance. I don’t like television or acting, but I’m not a monster.
Best Supporting Actor in a Limited or Anthology Series or Television Film Man, if it wasn’t for White Lotus this entire thing would be goddamned impossible to write about. Television is bad. I’m a big fan of F. Murray Abraham in general, and very happy about this sort of minor late-period renaissance he’s doing here, and think we should encourage him by giving hi a whole pile of awards. Great job, F.
THE RIGHTFUL WINNER: F. Murray Abraham, The White Lotus
Best Supporting Actress in a Television Series – Musical-Comedy or Drama So I think I mention every year that my favorite6 thing about the Golden Globes is that they lump all of their supporting performances together by genre, but still separate them out by gender. This is hysterically funny to me. Elizabeth Debicki’s job on The Crown, then, is completely separate from Jonathan Pryce’s job on The Crown but, in the eyes of the GGs, the same as Janelle James’s on Abbott Elementary. This is completely bugfuck.
THE RIGHTFUL WINNER: Janelle James, Abbott Elementary
6 “favorite”
Best Supporting Actor in a Television Series – Musical-Comedy or Drama All that aside, it does actually make my job easier, because, like, dramatic acting is way more insufferable than comedic acting, and I do like Henry Winkler. I reckon that should fall into the hole where I usually don’t like someone winning a bunch of awards for the same performance year over year, but man, I don’t know, the Golden Globes are stupid and rules are for chumps.
THE RIGHTFUL WINNER: Henry Winkler, Barry
Best Actress in a Limited or Anthology Series or Television Film Do you all need me to tell you that George & Tammy is really bad? You probably don’t. You’ve probably already received this information. Pam & Tommy features the same naming convention, and is also bad. I’m mostly just pointing it out, really, because I have very little to say about this category. Luckily, I’m always happy, even eighteen years later, when I can give an award to a member of the cast of Mean Girls. Did you know that Elizabeth Holmes has a fifth sense? It’s like she has ESPN or something. I bet her breasts can tell when it’s raining.
THE RIGHTFUL WINNER: Amanda Seyfried, The Dropout
Best Actor in a Limited or Anthology Series or Television Film Andrew Garfield may hate Mondays and love las….oh, I just did reference jokes. I should probably not do it again. Unfortunately, that leaves me with very little else here: Michael Shannon isn’t nominated for playing George Jones7, so I have to make my little Andrew Garfield jokes and move on.
THE RIGHTFUL WINNER: Andrew Garfield, Under the Banner of Heaven
7 it pains me to say that it is perhaps the worst part of the whole thing
Best Actress in a Television Series – Musical or Comedy I’m not contrarian enough to argue with the general consensus on the matter, and am going to just be devoting the comedy section to Only Murders in the Building.
THE RIGHTFUL WINNER: Selena Gomez. There isn’t a Golden Globe category that Selena + Chef would be eligible for, so she gets this one instead. Maybe she can write the real category on the bottom with a marker or something. She can share it with Raquelle.
Best Actor in a Television Series – Musical or Comedy Right, it’s Steve Martin. I mean, I do love Martin Short a great deal, and think he’s great at basically everything he does, but even he isn’t Steve Martin.
THE RIGHTFUL WINNER: Steve Martin, Only Murders in the Building
Best Actress in a Television Series – Drama Did you know I straight-up did not realize Hilary Swank was in a television show currently? I did not! I’m going to assume that it’s good, because mostly she makes pretty good decisions, and because every other option is terrible, and give it the win, because I really don’t want to keep figuring out ways to disqualify The Crown or, even worse, Euphoria. Ugh.
THE RIGHTFUL WINNER: Hilary Swank, Alaska Daily
Best Actor in a Television Series – Drama I am elderly. My failing, mortal prison of a human body reminds me every single day that my time on this earth is short, frangible, mayhap even evanescent. Mayhap. And yet, I find myself occasionally running into things that I am, somehow, even as the oldest person that’s ever lived, not interested in because I’m not old enough. This is all to say that I am truly baffled by Yellowstone’s continued presence here. I love the Cost8! Big fan over here! But Yellowstone is the kind of shit that when I see it I say “damn that’s some old people shit” and then watch Party Down for the seventeen thousandth time. Anyway. It’s not Kevin Costner, much as it pains me. Also, I’m going to have a lot to say about Andor over the course of the next year or so, so I’m trying to pace myself.
THE RIGHTFUL WINNER: Diego Luna, Andor
8 we’re not calling him The Cos, that one’s taken and, because I haven’t said it in awhile, long may he burn.
Best Limited or Anthology Series or Television Film No points for guessing that it’s The White Lotus. I’m here for every television show about how terrible terrible people are, provided it’s fictional and not based on real-life money crime.
THE RIGHTFUL WINNER: The White Lotus
Best Television Series – Musical or Comedy I gave Only Murders in the Building all the acting awards, and find myself with no choice but to give the show award to Hacks. That’s the way it works. There’s nothing at all that I can do about it.
THE RIGHTFUL WINNER: Hacks
Best Television Series – Drama Adam Scott is a terrific actor who gave an excellent performance in a thoughtful show that, unfortunately, failed in pretty much every way to be about space lasers and/or robots. So, you know. Bad luck there.
THE RIGHTFUL WINNER: Andor
Best Non-English Language Film Hey did you know that RRR, that movie that even you probably love, is some hateful-ass propaganda? It is! I mean, I’m sure it’s entertaining or whatever, but the people who make it are straight-up awful! So, you know, fuck that nonsense.
THE RIGHTFUL WINNER: Decision to Leave
Best Animated Feature I could have sworn I wrote here about Marcel the Shell (With Shoes On) back when it was just a youtube thing, but it turns out I didn’t. Go see it. It’s the best thing here.
THE RIGHTFUL WINNER: Marcel the Shell
Best Original Song I think it would be very funny if Rihanna won a Golden Globe (of all things) for her first recording since 2016. It would make me laugh. I don’t have much of an opinion about much of this stuff, so that’s the deciding factor.
THE RIGHTFUL WINNER: Tems, Rihanna, Ryan Coogler, and Ludwig Göransson, “Lift Me Up”
Best Original Score Hildur Guðnadóttir toured with Sunn0)))! I mean, she’s a serious film scorer who does serious work, and does it well, but, you know, I have a fairly narrow range of interests and she happens to be next to one.
THE RIGHTFUL WINNER: Hildur Guðnadóttir, Women Talking
Best Screenplay I’m a human being with two eyes and a heart. It’s Everything Everywhere All at Once. It’s got all the right stuff: rocks, butt plug trophies, pathos, James Hong, a bagel. Perfect script.
THE RIGHTFUL WINNER: Daniel Kwan and Daniel Sheinert, Everything Everywhere All at Once
Best Director I don’t want to sound repetitive, so I’ll say some more stuff that’s in the movie: hot dogs, googly eyes, costumes, a tax audit. All the right stuff.
THE RIGHTFUL WINNER: Daniel Kwan and Daniel Sheinert, Everything Everywhere All at Once
Best Supporting Actress in a Motion Picture And all that’s without even getting into the cast!
THE RIGHTFUL WINNER: Jamie Lee Curtis, Everything Everywhere All at Once
Best Supporting Actor in a Motion Picture I mean, I’m effusively praising the movie already9, but, genuinely. I don’t understand acting at all as an art form, and I don’t like it. I don’t usually go for metafictional reasons to be happy for an actor. If Ke Huy Quan does not win every award for which he is nominated for being the absolute top-shelf best part of a genuinely-great movie, I’m burning it all to the ground.
THE RIGHTFUL WINNER: Ke Huy Quan, Everything Everywhere All at Once
9 a thing I do not do, as a rule
Best Actress in a Motion Picture – Musical or Comedy Michelle Yeoh doesn’t have the same galloping, runaway-incredible performance, possibly because she’s got to do the heavy lifting in terms of moving the plot along and the action. Obviously, she’s great at it, and, with all due apologies to Anya Taylor-Joy and The Menu, it’s the second-best performance of the year, and it’s in the same movie as the best performance of the year. Which is, to be clear, Ke Huy Quan’s performance. I’m saying Michelle Yeoh is second to that one.
THE RIGHTFUL WINNER: Michelle Yeoh, Everything Everywhere All at Once
Best Actor in a Motion Picture – Musical or Comedy Alright, well, I guess being the emotional center of the movie, playing the most version of your character, giving the climactic monologue, and Ginger Rogers-ing Michelle Yeoh’s martial-arts Fred Astaire doesn’t matter if the fine people at the Golden Globes don’t think you’re the lead. They’re stupid, but it does give me the opportunity to praise Daniel Craig’s absolutely loopy second outing as Benoit Blanc.
THE RIGHTFUL WINNER: Daniel Craig, Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery
Best Actress in a Motion Picture – Drama You know who was great in a dramatic motion picture this year? Keke Fucking Palmer. She’s not nominated, because the Golden Globes, despite being under new ownership, still doesn’t know what to do with horror movies. Mainly because they’re stupid. But just imagine that the rightful winner here is Keke Palmer, and then do the same thing for Daniel Kaluuya in the actor category.
THE RIGHTFUL WINNER: Keke Palmer, Nope (not actually nominated). Do pay attention.
Best Actor in a Motion Picture – Drama Seriously, it’s 2022. Horror movies are where most of the interesting non-Daniels work is being done right now. Get into it, Golden Globes. Oh, and I love Brenan Frasier and am glad that he’s happy and got a paycheck, but fuck that fatsuit bullshit.
THE RIGHTFUL WINNER: Daniel Kaluuya, Nope (not actually nominated)
Best Motion Picture – Musical or Comedy It’s Everything Everywhere All at Once
THE RIGHTFUL WINNER: Everything Everywhere All at Once
Best Motion Picture – Drama To be clear, here: Avatar: There’s More of This and Top Gun: Chad Radwell are both nominated here, but no horror movie is. I would be willing to bet that Everything Everywhere All at Once is nominated as science-fiction only because it’s also a comedy. As Benonit Blanc would say: it’s dumb. It’s just so dumb.
THE RIGHTFUL WINNER: Top Gun: Chad Radwell, because this is all so dumb, and that’s the dumbest thing here.
Ohio Needs a Train 