The 2021 Locus Awards

Books! There are so many of them! And some of them win awards!

The Locus awards are given out by the readers of Locus magazine, long the sort of house-organ for the sf publishing industry. It takes into account 100 distinct works, as well as magazines, editors, publishers and artists, who may mean even more things one has to consider.

They are, therefore, a glut of material to be considered and enjoyed. Generally I use it to bolster my tbr, but for the last few years I’ve been writing about it, because 1) why not and 2) it’s a useful way to see where along the horror/fantasy/sf axis my reading is matching up with other people with such interests. Some years, for example, I’ve read everything in the sf category and nothing in the fantasy category. This year, interestingly, I’ve read a couple of the sf books (and abandoned one of them), almost all of the fantasy, and several of the horror. 

All of which is to say: this tends to be one of the more idiosyncratic book-awards write-ups that I do here. It’s shorter, for starters, as it’s the only one I do in my general “speed-round” style. Someday I’ll hunker down and read all of the Nebula nominees in a given year – maybe pick my favorite year and go with that one – but it just isn’t possible in the timeframe given1

1 I mean, it’s also the case that the total number of works nominated is only slightly less than the number of books I read in an entire year, with the caveat that some of those are sub-book-length.

Illustrated and Art Book
You know, if nothing else, the publication of The Art of Frank Cho reminded my how much I used to love Liberty Meadows. Also, generally, comics art is better than non-comics art. In this case, however, The Art of NASA is not only a lovely book full of lovely art, but is a truly fascinating look at how things were conceptualized in order to get people to agree to go along with this whole “space exploration” thing. 

THE RIGHTFUL WINNER: The Art of NASA

Non-Fiction
In my heart, I want it to be The Magic of Terry Pratchett, but in my head I know it should probably be Science Fiction and Climate Change.

THE RIGHTFUL WINNER: Andrew Milner & J.R. Burgmann, Science Fiction & Climate Change: A Sociological Approach

Artist
I almost always have trouble with this category, because I am bad at evaluating these things!

THE RIGHTFUL WINNER: Galen Dara

Editor
Every year I equivocate and then give it to John Joseph Adams, but this year I have a different idea: to commemorate the end of Ann & Jeff VanderMeer’s incredible “Big Book of _____” series (whose final volume, The Big Book of Modern Fantasy, came out last year, I have decided that I shall not equivocate, and that this one should go to them.

THE RIGHTFUL WINNER: Ann & Jeff VanderMeer

Publisher
It’s not that I always choose the same publisher because it’s run by my favorite writer, it’s just a coincidence that my favorite writer also runs the best publishing house. 

THE RIGHTFUL WINNER: Small Beer 

Magazine
Boy, it’s a shame the magazine published by my favorite publisher isn’t here, that would make this a lot easier. Ah, well. 

THE RIGHTFUL WINNER: Lightspeed, if only because I read a bunch more material in Lightspeed this year than anywhere else. 

Collection
This is probably the category with the most competition, as even the ones of these that I havent’ read are pretty high up on the ol’ list. That said, and with all due respect to both Elizabeth Bear, and Jeffery Ford, whose best is very good indeed, we’ve only got one Ken Liu, and he’s managed another knockout collection here. 

THE RIGHTFUL WINNER: Ken Liu, The Hidden Girl and Other Stories

Anthology
In addition to anthologies being a mixed bag, literally, this particular category in this particular awards-granting situation is an extra-mixed bag. These range from a curated set of material original edited by one of fiction’s greatest editors (Ellen Datlow’s Edited By) to an overview of an entire genre (The Big Book of Modern Fantasy), with lots and lots of stops in between. I’ll mention that the Ken Liu story in The Book of Dragons is very good, and is the only story in that book I’ve read, and then I’ll cough and give it to Ann & Jeff VanderMeer.

THE RIGHTFUL WINNER: Ann & Jeff VanderMeer, The Big Book of Modern Fantasy

Short Story
Terrific work all around here, and I must say: this is only the second thing by Meg Elison I’ve read, and I feel like I’ve been remiss in not reading more by her, because it’s wonderful. Wiswell’s “Open House on Haunted Hill” won the Nebula and, without Vina Jie-Min Prasad to stand in the way2, it probably deserves this one.

THE RIGHTFUL WINNER: John Wiswell, “Open House on Haunted Hill” 

2 as she would have had the Nebulas been rightful, but she’s not nominated here. 

Novelette
By the end of this awards cycle, every regular reader I have will be so sick of hearing about “Two Truths and a Lie,” and yet I still will not shut up about it, because I love it so very much. Ken Liu is also here with an excellent “Dragons as useful metaphor” story in the form of “A Whisper of Blue”, and Catherynne Valente’s “Color, Heat and the Wreck of the Argo” is as good as she always is. But really, it all crumbles in the face of “Two Truths and a Lie”. 

THE RIGHTFUL WINNER: Sarah Pinsker, “Two Truths and a Lie”

Novella
I’m sure some of these will come up again in the world fantasy awards, but this one, once again comes down to Finna vs. Ring Shout, and this time I’ve decided that it should be Finna. While I still think Ring Shout is maybe a smidge better, I think Finna deserves awards, so why not this one. 

THE RIGHTFUL WINNER: Nino Cipri, Finna

First Novel
This category was stacked to the rafters last year with huge talents making their debuts, and this year it’s a little less so. That’s nothing against any of the entrants here, just that there is an ebb and flow to all things, and I suppose the only way to get me to declare a YA book the rightful winner in a non-YA category is to make the category these specific books, since it comes down, really, to Cemetery Boys and Elatsoe.

THE RIGHTFUL WINNER: Darcie Little Badger, Elatsoe

Young Adult Novel
Anyway, that means two of the best options aren’t here, since you can only be nominated for a Locus award in one category per work. Since The Deathless Divide (which I liked) and A Peculiar Peril are both too long, this is T. Kingfisher’s day.

THE RIGHTFUL WINNER: T. Kingfisher,  A Wizard’s Guide to Defensive Baking

Horror Novel
One of the most impressive things about Grady Hendrix is that he writes books that are undeniably effective as horror – things are scary, there are stales, bad things happen – but that also work as stories that are surprisingly feel-good, where if someone “wins”, they did so by listening to their better angels and trying to do right by the other people in the story (as opposed to merely surviving), thus making Grady Hendrix one of the only people to write horror novels that I think of as “nice.” It’s a wonder, really. He also co-wrote one of my favorite cookbooks. Dude’s clearly got range.

THE RIGHTFUL WINNER: Grady Hendrix, The Southern Book Club’s Guide to Slaying Vampires

Fantasy Novel
On any given day, I could give this one to either Piranesi or Harrow the Ninth. Since this is the one where I’m declaring rightfulness to people that didn’t already win something this year (Harrow wasn’t nominated for the Nebula), I’m going to call this one for Harrow the Ninth.

THE RIGHTFUL WINNER: Tamsyn Muir, Harrow the Ninth

Science Fiction Novel
My goodness this was a category full of B+ work. I mean, most of it is fine. I don’t dislike anything in it that I’ve read3, but only Muderbot pokes their li’l head up and rises above the rest. Good job, Murderbot. 

THE RIGHTFUL WINNER: Martha Wells, Network Effect

3 NB that I’m not even trying with the Doctorow. Fool me twice, shame on me.

On Pommes et Abeilles, Parte Trois

Applebee’s recently announced that their 2020 era smaller menu was going to be permanent – they were downsizing forever, and that was going to have to be accepted by the uh..thronging hordes that would be disappointed in their slightly-more limited visit to America’s foremost microwave-based pseudo-bar and grill, and I am prepared, if not to defend or justify the existence of any of this, to explain why it might be here.. 

I did a similar thing once before, for the then-beleaguered Olive Garden, and now I’m going to do it here. I have been to Applebee’s something like three times as an adult1, and so am gazing upon this panoply of microwave-heated objects2 with fresh eyes. 

1 although I went there much more as a kid, and I enjoyed it considerably. I also didn’t have a terrible time the times I’ve been there as an adult, for the most part, although it was once for curiosity and twice for necessity. 

2 if I seem like I’m hitting the microwave thing hard, I am. It’s sort of central to conceiving of how any of these things work, and it’s also why I generally don’t bother going there. 

All items taken from the Applebee’s website, in the order in which they appear. Part 1 can be found here, Part 2 here. 

Handcrafted Burgers
Oooh, they’re crafted by hands, instead of by um…tentacles? Grippy robot arms? Who knows!

Quesadilla Burger
“Part burger, part quesadilla, all taste!”. This is a burger that, instead of buns, has a quesadilla. This is definitely a thing that I’ve seen at other sports-bar-type places, and I think it seems weird and unwieldy no matter where it comes form and what form it takes. Nevertheless, I also think that it’s exactly the right kind of wacky and ridiculous that I can’t be too mad about it. So I’m not mad about it, is what I’m saying. I’m never going to eat it, as it sounds terrible, and a microwaved-quesadilla is never my favorite thing, but in concept, the menu could use a little bit more of this, and a lot less, uh, not this. 

WHY IT’S HERE: This is sort of the exact opposite of last week’s much-maligned chicken breast – sometimes you have to have what amounts to a sandwich (a quesadilla)3 as the outer part of your sandwich (the burger itself) in order to feel like you’ve truly indulged.

3 quesadillas fall into the taco/hot dog area of sandwichdom, whereby they are taxonomically sandwiches by dint of being wrapped in the bread, but technically not sandwiches because if someone asked you for a sandwich and you handed them a quesadilla (or a taco or a hot dog) you’d be an asshole. 

Whisky Bacon Burger
Ok, so this really sent me on a journey. “Whisky” tells me it was made in Canada or Ireland, and I supposed the former, only to find out on the menu that it’s Fireball whisky that is used to make the sauce4, which led me to then discover that Fireball is in fact made with Canadian whisky and not, I don’t know, the liquid remnants of the curse that brought Fireball into existence in the first place. And then the fine folks at Applebee’s went ahead an made it into a sauce for a bacon cheeseburger. Wonders never cease

WHY IT’S HERE: I suppose there is some sort of unholy edict that states that you have to have some sort of over-the-top variety of bacon cheeseburger – it seems like every bar and grill has one, and I guess you can’t just put bacon the quesadilla burger and do both jobs at once. I dunno.

4 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Classic Bacon Cheeseburger
I’ve got very little to say here, except to say that this has to be way better without Fireball whisky anywhere near it, and also that this (and the other two remaining burger entries) are among the few uses of the word “Classic” that I won’t challenge.

WHY IT’S HERE: Gotta have a bacon cheeseburger at a bar and grill

Classic Cheeseburger
I mean, the “Brioche” bun is a dumb thing – and, really, sandwich buns tend to be much closer to what would be called brioche anyway, given their sugar content, so it’s doubly-silly, but really, it’s a fairly minor complaint. I’m sure it’s not a spectacular burger, but it’s probably fine.

WHY IT’S HERE: Even leaving aside that you’ve gotta have a cheeseburger, the fact that they have any burgers at all means this one is going to be here forever.

Classic Burger
Once again, however, we are left with the Applebee’s problem of there being three menu items (burger w/ or w/o cheese, then w/ or w/o bacon) where there could be one. Are they padding the thing out? Are they feeling insecure about the number of menu items after the great purge? I don’t know!

WHY IT’S HERE: I mean, it’s here because some people don’t put cheese on their burgers, but like, I don’t really understand why it has to be a taxonomically distinct item on the menu, rather than a sub-item. 

Sandwiches & More
I mean, if we’re being honest, here, it should be called “Wraps & More,” since, of the five items here, three are wraps and only two are sandwiches. Truly, words mean nothing to the menu-designers at Applebee’s. 

Bacon Cheddar Grilled Chicken Sandwich
The sauce on this one is “tangy house-made bbq ranch”, which brings to mind some poor kitchen person dumping a bottle of barbecue sauce into a jug o’ ranch, which is almost certainly what’s happening, and I’m not what you’d call traditionally in favor of it. I also forgot to mention that one of the other acceptable uses of “classic” on the menu is that they use it to describe their fries, which is also fine. Fries are classic, especially nestled up next to a sandwich. Not this one, but, like, an acceptable sandwich.

WHY IT’S HERE: I guess because there’s a market for people who want a whole bunch of stuff on their sandwich, but don’t want there to be any beef 

Clubhouse Grille¥ [sic]
It’s a club sandwich, beloved of the same people who would order the grilled chicken breast with broccoli: sandwich division, but the real question is: why is there a Yen symbol in the name of the dish? Do you have to pay Yen for the clubhouse grille? Is it a particularly Japanese-influenced thing? Are they subconsciously telling us that we have a “yen” for the sandwich? Did a web designer make an egregious typographical error, and literally no one ever saw it? Is Applebee’s part of some Japanese plot to take over the subconsciousnesses of Americans by infiltrating their menus? The world may never know!

WHY IT’S HERE: A club sandwich certainly has its place in the world. 

5I have, genuinely, attached a picture of item from the online menu, in case it changes. There’s a damn Yen symbol in there. 

















Chicken Fajita Rollup
In defense of Applebee’s, above I made the joke that three of these items are wraps, because I refuse to draw a distinction between a “rollup” and a “wrap,” so there. The mere fact that they are not calling this pile of vaguely Tex-Mex items rolled up in a tortilla a “burrito” tells me that the name of this thing is some kind of chicaneric nonsense anyway. It’s chicken, cheese, pico and lettuce, and there’s more of the Mexi-Ranch here. The mind, she boggles.

WHY IT’S HERE: This really seems like the sort of thing you hear about when you hear horror stories about parents who say “my kid only eats _____”, so maybe it’s for those? 

Oriental Chicken Salad Wrap
Remember when there was that New York Times piece about how Asian Chicken Salad really should be called something else and then there was the backlash among dipshits that was all “LOLOLOL NYT THINKS SALAD IS RACIST” but like, it fucking is a bullshit thing to call a salad, and to put on your customers to make them try to order if they happen to like this sort of thing7? And how “Oriental” is really, in the year of our lord 2021, worse? Yeah, that was weird. This salad should probably be called something else, y’know? Whatever the innocence of the origins of the name, linguistic drift has really put it in a bad spot, and maybe there are like, some other words that mean the same thing.

WHY IT’S HERE: Oh, probably to own the libs or own the millenials or some such dumbfuck reason. Who cares. Burn it all down.

7 the existence of such people being here assumed, with the acknowledgement that their reasons for same baffle the writer. 

Oriental Grilled Chicken Salad Wrap
Ah. Right. So, this particular linguistic tongue-twister also comes down to the fact that the chicken in the….sigh….oriental chicken salad is generally fried8, but here you can order it with grilled chicken to appeal to the health-conscious, or at least to the sense of theatre of the health-conscious: with all caveats w/r/t calorie counts, they are still all the information that I have to go on here, and you save about 200 of them, which means most of them are still in the sugar sauce and the enormous tortilla.

WHY IT’S HERE: I mean, the [seriouslythereshouldbeabetternameforit] chicken salad wrap must be popular enough that they allow this faux-healthy spinoff. Plus, you know, they already have all the stuff for it around, so why cut it from the menu? 

8 which, you know what?, fair. One of the hallmarks of American Chinese food – which is a food tradition with its own noble history and culinary language – is battered chicken. Certainly I am not coming out against that. I’ve eaten, pound for pound, as much General Tso’s chicken as probably any other ethnically-centered dish. The Chinese American tradition is one that I, a noble midwesterner, owe a lot of my time and calories to, and I’ll not pretend that isn’t the case.

Salads

Strawberry Balsamic Chicken Salad
This seemed perfectly normal until I saw that it was served with a “lemon olive oil vinaigrette”, but is also a balsamic chicken salad. So the balsamic vinegar is almost certainly a syrup over the salad. Now, I’m not saying that I hate balsamic syrup – I am saying that people went absolutely apeshit over it ten years ago, and that leaves a bad taste in my mouth – I’m just saying why don’t you just use the balsamic vinegar in the dressing like everyone else and not put fucking syrup on your chicken salad? 

WHY IT’S HERE: I mean, it’s the sort of thing that lives only on the menus of restaurants that I scowl at. My real question, food-chain-speaking, is whether the chicken from this salad comes from the leftovers from the grilled chicken entrees, or if those grilled chicken entrees are the result of having chicken around for all these grilled chicken salads. 

Southwest Steak Caesar Salad
Well, for starters, the thing that makes it “Southwest” is some sort of chipotle-lime marinade on the steak. This is of some interest because there must be the chipotle-lime-marinated steak somewhere else (the nachos, maybe?), but it didn’t make an impression there. It’s also of some interest because that’s the only thing that could possibly make this “Southwestern,” and I’m afraid I don’t agree that that’s enough. That said: Caesar salads are great, this is probably fine, if, you know, somewhat calorically intense.

WHY IT’S HERE: Like a lot of the things here, a steak salad is the sort of thing one expects to see on the menu, and, in true Applebee’s fashion, they’ve decided to stake some sort of claim on a regional cuisine with it. 

Tuscan Garden Chicken Salad
You know, I don’t always believe everything I read, but Bill Buford memorably describes the native cuisine of Tuscany in his incredible book Heat as being largely brown:

”There is a saying in Italy, brutto ma buono, ugly but good, which celebrates the amateurish, often irregular integrity of food made by hand. In Tuscany, the phrase could be brutto e marrone, ugly and brown. The local crostini, for instance, with every available millimeter smeared with chicken liver pâté, were a brown food. Pappa al pomodoro, another local dish, was made from stale bread (the unsalted, flavorless Tuscan kind, so you know it had to be very stale) cooked with overripe leftover tomatoes until it degenerated into a dark brown mush: brown on dark brown. The many varieties of local beans: brown. (Dario once took me to an eleven-course banquet honoring the famous bean of Sorana: beans with veal head, beans with tuna roe, beans with porchetta, beans with shrimp, a torta of beans—a three-hour celebration of brown on brown, ending with a plate of biscotti and a glass of vin santo, another brownly brown variation.)

He later goes on to suggest that Tuscan mothers wouldn’t nag their children to eat their greens, but rather to eat their browns. I mention all of this to say: this is not Tuscan. Go to hell, Applebee’s.

WHY IT’S HERE: I mean, it’s a perfectly serviceable grilled chicken salad, if I’m being honest. I especially like the onions and cucumbers, or at least their idea, given that I’m not eating one. I’d order it if I wasn’t upset about the name.

Blackened Shrimp Caesar Salad
Seriously, though, I know this came up last week but “Caesar salad with your choice of blackened shrimp or cilantro-lime steak.” Boom. Menu space saved.

WHY IT’S HERE: Well if you’ve got all this blackened shrimp lying around waiting to be microwaved, you might as well throw some on a salad from time to time.

Crispy Chicken Tender Salad
My problem with a chicken tendies salad – and it’s really my own problem – is that they don’t keep cold chicken tendies around, so you get a salad that’s been slightly warmed by the chicken tendies they’ve placed on top of it. It’s just not satisfying to trip over that lukewarm bit of lettuce, you know? And then also sometimes the cheese gets melted and that’s bad also. I’m in favor of the idea, especially as an Applebee’s style execution, because it’s unlikely to use the microwaves.

WHY IT’S HERE: I bet it goes gangbusters with people who want to order chicken tendies and not get fries. That’s probably why I’d get it, and then be immediately disappointed and kind of grossed out by the warm lettuce/not-quite-melted cheese problem.

Grilled Chicken Tender Salad
This is the same as the salad above, but with grilled chicken instead of fried chicken. Of all the things in the salad part of the menu – and it’s the part of the menu that, by and large, makes the most sense to me as a thing9 – this is the one I have the least to say about, because it’s one of the few things on the menu that’s just…reasonable. Yep, it’s chicken over some vegetables with dressing on it. Absolutely fine.

WHY IT’S HERE: You know, I don’t know that I’d think about it if it wasn’t here, but the “chicken on a salad” thing is just as much a part of the bar and grill experience as dumb steaks, or chicken tenders, or burgers. 

9 with the obvious exception of the “Tuscan” in that one chicken salad above

Grilled Chicken Caesar Salad
Oh jesus fuck. “Caesar salad with your choice of blackened shrimp, cilantro-lime steak, or grilled chicken”. Good grief. They put this here as a land mine just because I called this the most reasonable part of the menu a minute ago.

WHY IT’S HERE: Because it’s perfectly sensible! But it doesn’t need to be three menu items! This is lunacy!

Oriental Chicken Salad
I’m pretty sure I said everything I needed to say about the name above, but I will point out that this served with “oriental vinaigrette”10, which is dumb.

WHY IT’S HERE: Oh who cares. Change the name, call it a soy vinaigrette like everyone else and quit doing this.

10 which I’ll assume means it has soy sauce in it

Grilled Oriental Chicken Salad
I’m just saying, and I’ll reiterate it down here: whatever the origins of the name are, it means something different in 2021, and it’s time to maybe consider that things you thought were harmless at their outset might change things, especially in an environment where violence is being committed against Asian-Americans at record rates. Obviously the salads at Applebee’s aren’t contributing to that violence, but it’s another in the string of things where people think of a group of people in a certain way, and the way that people who use the word “oriental” think of Asians is probably not a way that you want people connecting up with when they order their fucking lunch. It’s not that hard. 

WHY IT’S HERE: Again, I’m left to assume it’s to own the libs or fight “cancel culture” or just to display that the menu-writers of Applebee’s are dipshits. Any way you slice it, it’s dumb.

Buffalo Chicken Wedge Salad
I was never aboard the wedge salad train when they saw their big revival a few years back, but this thing is hilarious. A huge lump of lettuce, some hunks of buffalo-sauced chicken nuggets11. This dish is a salad only in the loosest sense of the word, and I’d love to watch someone eat it, because I genuinely can’t figure out how you would do so. Well, I do: you eat all the lettuce parts and then you eat all the chicken parts and then you eat whatever is left on the plate, thus making this a sort of self-serving meal. 

WHY IT’S HERE: I guess because there’s still demand for wedge salads? I mean, they never really went away for old people, I guess. 

11 boneless wings are a lie

Quesadilla Chicken Salad
This is a regular-seeming chicken taco salad – looks pretty good – but instead of the breadstick that most of the salads get, this is served with a whole-ass quesadilla. I kind of love that. I’m sure their quesadillas are terrible, but I’m equally sure that they’re better than their breadsticks, and while I’m never going to order this salad, if they did like, half a dozen more salads with this approach to wackiness, I’d be right there with them. MAKE APPLEBEE’S WACKIER. Of course, that’s why they are what they are, but still. It would help them appeal to me at least. Also, this is the last time I’ll have to have typed it, so I’m going to make a confession to y’all folks: I can’t spell quesadilla without the computer helping me. I also applaud their restraint in not having five different salads, each a variation on this one with a different meat on it. 

WHY IT’S HERE: It’s also topped with tortilla strips. It has pico and salsa. It’s covered in mexi-ranch! I can’t imagine this is a popular dish, but given that it’s made entirely out of things that exist in other places on the menu, it’s got to be easy enough to just keep it on there.

Irresist-A-Bowls
America has spoken: pile my shit in a fucking bowl. Anyway, I’m not taking these on individually, because I refuse to play their game. The “Southwest Chicken” and “Southwest Steak” bowls are given the “Southwest” designation, while the shrimp bowl is called “Tex-Mex”. This is part of the evidence that the thing that designates something as being “Southwest” in Applebee’s parlance is, in fact, the cilantro-lime marinade (which the shrimp doesn’t have), because it’s literally the only difference outside of the meat. They all have pico and guacamole and rice and salsa. 

WHY THEY’RE HERE: I guess Applebee’s thinks that you’ve got to have a bowl. I wonder how many of the “bowl” crowd are eating at Applebee’s?

Kids Menu
This is not something I’m going to go dish by dish through, because I’m generally opposed to kids menus, but I’m going to point out that it’s the one place they have tiny pizzas, which I bet are, no joke, the best thing going here, microwave or not. Oh, also they sell Kraft macaroni and cheese, just like you could buy four for a buck if you weren’t at Applebee’s.

WHY IT’S HERE: I don’t begrudge a place having a kids menu, even if I begrudge the existence of kids menus. 

Desserts
I mean, appetizers and desserts (and drinks with gummy sharks12 in them) are kind of the raison for all this. 

12 doo doo doodoo doodoo THREE FOR THREE, BABYYYYY

Brownie Bite
Now this is just flat-out lying to people. This brownie “bite” is the same size as the scoop of ice cream it’s next to, so either Applebee’s buys teeny-tiny ice cream scoops to make their brownie “bites” feel better about themselves, or you’d have to have some cavernous Steven-Tyler-esque mouth to work this into one bite. 

WHY IT’S HERE: I suppose if you call it a “bite”, people will think it is a reasonable and conciliatory quantity of dessert, rather than equal parts ice cream and brownie, which is just regular “brownie and ice cream” serving behavior.

Blue Ribbon Brownie
I’m going to dwell on this and say: I know perspective is weird and food photography is a lie, but the brownie in this picture looks to be the exact same fucking size as the brownie “bite”, except in this case, there might be two of them. The second brownie-like-object is cut from a circle, rather than a square, so who the fuck even knows what’s going on there, but really. This should be called “Two chocolate lumps and some ice cream,” for all the good the picture is doing me.

WHY IT’S HERE: You know what I always say. You can’t have too many chocolate lumps. 

Triple Chocolate Meltdowns
This is a lava cake13, which is never my favorite thing in the world, but which eleven season of American Masterchef have tried to convince me is the most challenging, but also the most elegant, dessert ever devised by a human mind. The fact that it’s sold at Applebee’s makes me doubt it.

WHY IT’S HERE: I mean, if you have a dessert menu, you sort of have to have something like this, or a Total Chocolate Breakdown or a Chocolate Suicide Bomb or That’s Too Much Chocolate to Have in One Place By Law or something. It just goes with the territory. 

13 the three chocolates here being “the outside of the cake,” “the inside of the cake” and “the chocolate syrup”

Sizzlin’ Butter Pecan Blondie
It takes real dedication to risk giving someone a burn injury during dessert, and I applaud Applebee’s for getting there. A blondie is silly under the best of circumstances, but I like that there’s a dessert featuring apples. It is, in fact, the only thing I can find in the whole entire menu that has apples in it. If only they cooked more with bees.

WHY IT’S HERE: A non-chocolate dessert (and, in this case, a hilariously perfunctory one) is clearly something people will line up for. 

On Pommes et Abeilles, Deuxième Partie

Applebee’s recently announced that their 2020 era smaller menu was going to be permanent – they were downsizing forever, and that was going to have to be accepted by the uh..thronging hordes that would be disappointed in their slightly-more limited visit to America’s foremost microwave-based pseudo-bar and grill, and I am prepared, if not to defend or justify the existence of any of this, to explain why it might be here.. 

I did a similar thing once before, for the then-beleaguered Olive Garden, and now I’m going to do it here. I have been to Applebee’s something like three times as an adult1, and so am gazing upon this panoply of microwave-heated objects2 with fresh eyes. 

1 although I went there much more as a kid, and I enjoyed it considerably. I also didn’t have a terrible time the times I’ve been there as an adult, for the most part, although it was once for curiosity and twice for necessity. 

2 if I seem like I’m hitting the microwave thing hard, I am. It’s sort of central to conceiving of how any of these things work, and it’s also why I generally don’t bother going there. 

All items taken from the Applebee’s website, in the order in which they appear. Part 1 can be found here. Part 3 will be next week, unless something else happens. 

Steaks & Ribs

8oz Top Sirloin
It’s select-grade sirloin. It is, specifically, half a pound of it. It is also three dollars more than the 6 oz steak below, which means that you, know, you’re paying $1.50 per ounce on that last bit there. I have nothing else to say about a chain restaurant sirloin steak.

WHY IT’S HERE: Gotta have a steak on the menu, this is one of the ones they have. 

6oz Top Sirloin
Like the last thing, only 75% of the size!

WHY IT’S HERE: Gotta have a little steak on the menu, for people that don’t want to order the big steak.

Shrimp ‘n’ Parmesan Sirloin
It’s a steak topped with shrimp and cheese. I mean, the “steaks” part of the menu is pretty basic stuff, but I will say that I’ll always think it’s weird that there’s this gaping hole in the stomachs of chain-restaurant goers for a steak with a bunch of shit piled on top of it. In this case, shrimp and cheese. Right there one the steak.

WHY’S IT HERE: People, the sort of people I very much cannot fathom, must order enough of this for it to work.

12 oz Ribeye
If it seems like my “you gotta have steak” comments are flippant, please understand that the point here isn’t the steak, it’s that there is, even now, even at Applebee’s, even in the post-reduction me nu in question, three fucking steaks on this thing, not even counting the rococo “steak with a pile of stuff on it” menu items. People that go to restaurants – even Applebee’s – eat steak, and there’s a kind of person who eats steak when they go to any restaurant – even Applebee’s.

WHY IT’S HERE: I mean, a ribeye is a nicer steak than the top sirloin, so I guess this one actually makes the most sense.

Bourbon Street Steak
The fine folks at Applebee’s think they can invoke New Orleans by using Cajun spices and a sizzle platter. Isn’t that fun? Anyway, this is a steak with Cajun spices and garlic butter on it. Since every pre-made Cajun spice blend I’ve ever eaten has been bad3, I’m going to go ahead and guess this is some sort of weird thing that corporations do all the time where they co-opt New Orleans, which is deeply discomforting, and I’m going to continue to hate it.

WHY IT’S HERE: Oh, let me tell you, corporations love to co-opt New Orleans. They goddamn fucking well love it, I tell you what. 

3 NB I’ve never been to New Orleans, feel free to venmo me the cost of a ticket. I’m down.

Riblet Platter
Ok, so here we are at the thing. I’ll start by saying this: when I was a young lad, I loved these fucking things. I would fuck up as many riblets as you would put in front of me. I’ve eaten a whole bunch of them. I haven’t had one in multiple decades, but I will acknowledge that, as a child, these were absolute tits. Applebee’s barbecue sauce tastes like commercial barbecue sauce someone decided wasn’t sweet enough, and these are weird. Some research tells me that they might be button ribs, but the dish they evoke most readily are burnt-ends, which are, of course, fucking fantastic. I can’t imagine these are even acceptable, as even as a kid when I was hoovering them into my face4 I remember them being kind of a thing to navigate. Anyway, these are bad, but they’re also, like, the signature of the menu.

WHY IT’S HERE: It wouldn’t be Applebee’s without them, honestly.

4 I’m fairly certain the attraction was that they were like a rib-nugget. This would also, nb, be the time in my life when I would lose my little preteen mind over the periodic return of the McRib. I had a real thing for candied pork, is what I’m saying.

Riblet Plate
I don’t understand the question, and I won’t respond to it.

WHY IT’S HERE: Riblets!

Double-Glazed Baby-Back Ribs
I am not a food scientist, nor am I a serious culinarian, nor am I a menu writer, but I’m pretty sure “double-glazed” here means: we dump sauce on them at the factory before we freeze them, and then the line guy does it again before he microwaves them. Boom. Double-glazed.

WHY IT’S HERE: Probably because it would be weird if they only had the riblets. Gotta have the rest of the ribs also.

Half-Rack Double-Glazed Ribs
For when you only want 900 calories5 of candied pork.

WHY IT’S HERE: Well, I suppose it is, after a fashion, still the more reasonable of the ribs-based choices. 

5 in case you jumped in at part 2 here: yes, I’m aware calorie counts are a ridiculous thing, and I’m not putting any more stock in them than to say that this is the easiest-available measure for how much pure straight nonsense – meaning being overloaded with sugar, primarily – we’re dealing with, here. 

Chicken

Bourbon Street Chicken & Shrimp
The chicken is described as Cajun-seasoned and the shrimp as blackened. I understand these are two different things, but I wonder how ontologically different they actually are at Applebee’s. Also, they really tout everything that served on a sizzle platter. They are very happy to try to present you with a burn hazard, and it also means that there’s a bunch of stuff for whom there’s a broiler to slide under after they microwave it. Laissez les bons temps rouler!

WHY IT’S HERE: After a great purge, this somehow remained. I guess the New Orleans thing must work. It’s infuriating, certainly. 

Fiesta Lime Chicken
We return, finally, after much discursion, to the pseudo-Tex-Mex stylings that so suffused the appetizer section. This is, of course, a lime-spritzed chicken covered in ranch. I mean, the menu calls it tangy Mexi-Ranch, but every time I try to consider what that is, I pass out, so let’s just assume it’s very, very bad.

WHY IT’S HERE: Man, I’ll be honest with you, I’m surprised there’s not more ranch involved here. It’s a staple of the wing-serving community, and you’d think I’d see it here more. I’d admire their restraint, but really, I think I just have to consider it more evidence that whatever is going on here it’s terrible. 

Chicken Tenders Platter
It should probably raise an alarm that I wanted to type “well, chicken tenders are a bar and grill classic”, which is almost exactly the menu text for this item. I guess I’m done living, now.

WHY IT’S HERE: Chicken tenders are a bar and girl classic. I mean, they gussy it up a little on the menu, but, you know. It’s chicken tendies. 

Chicken Tenders Plate
I mean, the real answer is that the platter is bigger than the plate, I guess? The plate comes with fries, but the platter appears to also come with fries? Maybe this is where having a real menu, and not having to rely on the website, would come in handy. Also, I have the feeling I used to understand this distinction a lot better than I do now, which is frustrating, to say the least. 

WHY IT’S HERE: Chicken tenders are a bar and grill classic, and sometimes you don’t want so many of them.

Grilled Chicken Breast
Ok, so, it’s time for me to explicate my position here a little bit. Applebee’s is, along with seemingly everything else for several years, one of those things that millennials6 stood accused of murdering. This is, of course, ridiculous, but it’s also the point at which it became clear that people were absolutely insane. To wit: that implies that making it harder for Applebee’s, a fake restaurant full of microwaved food, is somehow an assault on anything except, you know, the industrial-microwave industry. The reason that this is the dish upon which I say this is: the sort of person who believes that we have to have an Applebee’s is the sort of person who is probably ok with ordering a grilled piece of chicken that was flash frozen at a factory somewhere because they’re being health conscious (and not, you know, ordering something actually healthy from someplace that isn’t, you know, Applebee’s), and these are people that should not, under any circumstances, be listened to. It would be infuriating if it weren’t so damned mind-boggling. 

WHY IT’S HERE: well, I kind of covered it, but it seems like if you’re a fast-casual pseudo-restaurant, you really do need to have a grilled chicken breast. Hilariously, this is also served with mashed potatoes and steamed broccoli. It really is hilarious. I’m dying. 

6 generational labels are very dumb – the baby boom was a thing, and yielded a bunch of people who had shared experiences at the time, and every subsequent attempt to brand a generation as similar has been a stupid attempt at doing so, and there’s a lot more I have to say about this, but this is about Applebee’s. Anyway, I’m probably best considered a xennial as I have very little to do with most of the stuff that comes to be associated with millennials. I’m not even on social media, unless you count this here website. 

Pasta

Classic Broccoli Chicken Alfredo
I mean, when we saw the alfredo sauce back in the appetizers section, we knew that it coudln’t possibly just be limited to a breadstick dip, now didn’t we? Obviously, there’s no way there’s anything even remotely “classic” about this dish, which arrives portioned and in a bag, but, you know, I suppose truth in advertising laws don’t extend to esoteric concepts like “classic”-ness,

WHY IT’S HERE: “Fettucine alfredo” is, to a certain type of person, synonymous with health-disregarding indulgence, and thus probably sells depressingly well. I bet it goes real good with a gummy shark7

7 doo doo doodoo doodoo (I’m bringing it back because it made me laugh last time I did it.)

Classic Blackened Shrimp Alfredo
Look, I understand that menu contraction is a thing, and I do get it, but if I go to Applebee’s, are there two fucking entrees for “classic fettucine alfredo with your choice of shrimp or chicken” or do they do it like a normal human being would do it, which is to say how I just did it there? Anyway, this is the same thing as the other thing only with a different thing in it. 

WHY IT’S HERE: The chicken/shrimp dichotomy is a standard of the American plate/platter style menu.

Three Cheese Chicken Penne
I mean, you may look at this and think, with four cheese on the menu right below it, what’s the point here. Well, I’ll tell you what the point is here: the parmesan is in here twice, bitches. That’s right. It’s three cheeses but also double parmesan. For, you know, whatever value of parmesan they’re using here. 

WHY IT’S HERE: The only thing I can think of is that there are people out there who want a cheese-pasta dish, but who won’t, for whatever reason, allow themselves to just get the mac & cheese. I mean, there’s more to say about the mac n cheese in a minute, so maybe those people are right. 

Four Cheese Mac & Cheese with Honey Pepper Chicken Tenders
Ok. Ok. Ok. I’ve typed and deleted and retyped this paragraph, but I can’t hold it back: IT’S NOT MAC AND CHEESE IF YOU’RE MAKING IT WITH PENNE. Macaroni is a shape, goddammit. You’ve got a lot of leeway! It refers to tonnes of shapes, even just in the US! If you expanded your search for a complete definition as far as you could, you’d be calling, like, a hundred different things macaroni, absolutely fucking none of which were fucking penne, which is a totally different fucking shape. I can abide by you assholes putting candied chicken tendies on top of your penne and cheese9, but it’s not macaroni oh my god what is wrong with you.

WHY IT’S HERE: gotta have mac and cheese, and, since I’m apparently the only person that likes to know what shape his fucking pasta is going to be when he orders it, I guess everyone’s just happy to call it that and then shovel it into their face. 

9 I mean, if I trusted the candied chicken tendies to be at all good, I might even order it if I were feeling particularly indulgent and wanted to eat a chicken tendy.

Seafood

Blackened Cajun Salmon
Ah, now this is both blackened and Cajun, about which see above. And also it’s salmon. Now, cooked salmon will never make my top-ten list, but this is probably for person who decided that the grilled chicken breast was too hilarious/existentially depressing and went one notch up the ridiculous “healthy” options. Also, looking at this menu is making me realize that a thing that I suppose I can look forward to if I ever go to Applebee’s again is how much broccoli is all over everything. I love broccoli, and it’s basically impossible to screw up. Even bad broccoli is fine, it’s just mushy and/or watery. Probably why it’s here. Really hard to mess up broccoli. Anyway.

WHY IT’S HERE: the health-consciousness thing, and also the ever-increasing number of pescatarians. 

Hand-Battered Fish and Chips
Giving credit where it’s due: I bet these are fine. I’ve eaten one hundred frozen battered fish filets in my life, and I bet I’ll eat a hundred more easy, and they’ve been fine. After the great macaroni caper I find that I’m kindly disposed to any food that isn’t lying to me about how it’s shaped.

WHY IT’S HERE: Gotta have fish and chips. They’re like chicken tenders for people that don’t hate themselves!

Double Crunch Shrimp
Fried shrimp: another thing that are really hard to get wrong, and also superior to chicken tenders in pretty much every way. I mean, except the way that shrimp are way smaller, so you end up eating like, half a cup of breadcrumbs or whatever. It’s fine. I’m sure it’s fine.

WHY IT’S HERE: Anyplace that regularly uses a deep-fryer sure oughta throw some shrimp in there from time to time. 

The 56th Annual Nebula Awards

Alright, so. Usually the Nebulas are the first of the book awards I do in the year`. This year the Great Stokertastrophe happened2, and so these are no longer in the pole position, but they’re still the first of the book awards that I’m able to cover well.

1 Nebula/Locus/sometimes Jackson/Hugo/World Fantasy

2 and will, I must assure you all again, never happen again

This year, nothing majorly scandalous seemed to happen with the Nebulas3, which means I’m free to keep this intro fairly short. 

3 I have said that before, however, and turned out to be extremely wrong, so take that for what it’s worth.

It’s worth noting that the the only really SF novel4 is Network Effect, although there are two science fiction novellas, three (maybe four) science fiction novelettes, and only two in short story. I mention this only because it was interesting that that’s where the constantly-swinging Nebula pendulum is currently. Also it occurs to me that Piranesi could be sf if you squint, so I guess that would make one and a half. Sort of. Anyway. 

4 there’s a secret F in SFWA that stands for fantasy, see, which is why they’re all like this

Onward to the nominees, and the rightful winners!

The Ray Bradbury Award for Dramatic Presentation
I will say, I kind of prefer the way the Nebulas does this, as opposed to the Hugos: the Hugos bifurcates the list, letting things over feature-length (including entire seasons of things) be considered in the “long” category, and short films (and tv shows, and lately, records) be considered in the “short” category. While it’s true that this sort of mirrors the “Novel/novella/novelette/short story” category5, I like the idea that length is another axis along which to consider, rather than a limning state. I would love an award that was given just for, like, whatever, at whatever length, and that’s kind of how this functions.

5 or the “short fiction/long fiction” of the Stokers and the World Fantasy Awards

Anyway, Lovecraft Country suffers here by being nominated for its full season. I liked it, in the main, when I considered it, and there were certainly individual episodes (the first one, the Tulsa Riots one, the one where Hippolyta travels) that were as good as anything here, but all told it was too inconsistent to win for its whole season.

The Expanse and the Mandalorian are both delivering satisfying television, and while I like The Mandalorian more, I don’t think that “The Tragedy” was as good as the episodes on either side of it, which makes this one another failure of the nomination process.

The Old Guard and Birds of Prety were both excellent comic-book adaptations, especially the latter but guys, you knew where this was going.

The Good Place stuck the landing, “Whenever You’re Ready” is a lovely piece of fantasy writing6, and I’ll probably watch it a billion more times before I, myself, step through the doorway.

6 the idea of finality giving things meaning is a personal favorite of mine, and I really enjoy the way they worked it in there

THE RIGHTFUL WINNER: The Good Place, “Whenever You’re Ready”

Game Writing
I’m going to be honest (as I usually do) here and say: I haven’t played much of this category, but I’m impressed by the way that Kentucky Route Zero shook out, and I definitely will play it before too long, I promise.

THE RIGHTFUL WINNER: Kentucky Route Zero

The Andre Norton Award for Middle Grade and Young Adult Fiction
You know, this category has, in fact, been considerably more grinding and heart-destroying in years past. That’s nice. 

Shveta Thakrar’s Star Daughter, perhaps surprisingly, does what it says on the tin: it’s about the daughter of a star. She has normal stuff, she has supernatural stuff, they are in conflict, she eventually figures out how to work through some of that conflict, and this isn’t my favorite of these books. The end. 

Jenn Reese’s A Game of Fox and Squirrels was more to my liking than I thought it would be – it helps that the central metaphor that casts an abusive family relationship as being like playing a game with ever-changing rules is really compelling, and that the main character is struggling against her own brain chemistry/neurology without any of that being explicitly overburdened, textually. It’s also a very good tense little adventure story for all that. I would happily recommend it to any middle-grade readers that happened to ask, but it also isn’t quite my favorite here.

T. Kingfisher’s A Wizard’s Guide to Defensive Baking was a terrific read. It’s very funny, as T. Kingfisher’s work tends to be, and it, similarly to Minor Mage deals with a person whose magic use is limited in a way that, at first, seems to make the role into which she is thrust impossible. But, of course, it turns out not to be. It’s extremely clever, and well-done, and if it falls short of being the best work here, it’s only because it’s one of three sort of close variations on the usual YA formula that were all very, very good. 

Darcie Little Badger’s Elatsoe was the front-runner for a good portion of this writeup and, on another day, it might be the one I considered the winner. In fact, I may change my mind immediately after posting this. It’s a pretty tight race, is what I’m saying. Anyway, Elatsoe has a genuinely-frightening villain (or, more accurately, a villain with genuinely-frightening powers), and while it doesn’t stray too far from the “plucky teen detective” main character, the character is an asexual Native American, so there’s some grounding there that you don’t generally deal with. Add to that the fact that Little Badger is a terrific prosodist, and that, perhaps most refreshingly, it takes place in a world where magic is acknowledged to exist, so there’s no weird covering-up, no bizarre unseeing authority figures and no doubt that the things that are happening are really happening, and it’s an impressive bit of work. 

Jordan Ifueko’s Raybearer, however, was a real surprise: I knew that it had been pretty well-received, but the actual book is fantastic. It gives its characters both real conflict and real stakes7. It suffers a little bit by being the first book in a series – it’s clearly only (at most) half a story – but the characters are developed well, and there’s a really interesting set of guiding principles for the supernatural elements (in short: a “raybearer” assembles a group of people from across the cultures they govern, and this provides him with a cabinet and immortality all at once). I’m happy to call it the rightful winner, although, again, I liked Elatsoe almost as much, and sometimes probably more.

THE RIGHTFUL WINNER: Jordan Ifueko, Raybearer (unless it’s Elatsoe. Ask me when you see me next!)

7 my primary problem with YA is that so few of the books actually create stakes – you know how it’s all going to go, and there’s no real long-term effects or urgency.

Short Story
This is as good as this category has been since I started doing these write-ups. I liked all of these, and several of them had a fair shot at being the one I liked the most. This is another one where I’m liable to have changed my mind about the winner, although significantly less so than before. 

Jason Sanford’s “The Eight-Thousander” is the closest to a let-down that we have here. It’s a good, atmospherically-effective story about a mountain climber, his toxic climbing partner, and a spirit. It ends up separating a literal haunting from an allegorical one, and does a good job of communicating how terrifying the idea of climbing a tall mountain is. I, for one, will remain someone who does not do it. Good job, Jason Sanford.

Aimee Picchi’s “Advanced Word Problems in Portal Math” hides its portal story in, as the title implies8, a set of word problems involving a woman who is in need of a portal at several points in her life. It has a strong ending, and the prose is very good, but it hides a little more behind its gimmick than it probably needs to. Not a bad story, just a story that’s overshadowed by its concept. 

8 it’s a year for patly-descriptive titles, I guess

“Badass Moms in the Zombie Apocalypse” is an extremely accurately-titled story: the world barely exists, a woman in an all-woman group is pregnant, and the difficulties of giving birth in a world that has ended, while surrounded by creatures who want to eat you and for whom blood is a strong reminder that you exist, are more than enough to provide both action and tension across a pretty-satisfying story. 

Eugenia Triantafyllou’s “My Country is a Ghost” is a more straight-up allegory: the main character can’t bring her ghost (a real actual thing in this story) into her new country, she has to find a way to live in the community without it. It’s a lovely story, to be sure. 

John Wiswell’s “Open House on Haunted Hill” is a terrific story9 about a house that is either haunted10 or just sapient. In any event, like any being tha tis forced to live alone with its thoughts, it’s quite lonely, and it goes to some lengths to make some folks like it. It’s an entertaining idea that also manages to score a lot of emotional depth out of its main character. Which character is, we shall remember, a house. 

9 and, indeed, it’ll come up in at least two more awards writeups

10 note that the title is that it’s on haunted hill – people could have mistaken the house’s intelligence for haunting

Vina Jie-Min Prasad’s “A Guide for Working Breeds” is a delightful story about the mentorship between two very, very different robots, united only in the sense that they have a job. In telling its brief, funny story, it also does a terrific job of sketching out the circumstances of how these particular robots come to exist, adn the things they have to go through. It also successfully deploys its comedy by showing us only their messages, and so having the things that happen to the characters happen offscreen. This device also means that the fairly-tense action scenes are made even tenser. All told, another excellent outing from a writer I look forward to every time.

THE RIGHTFUL WINNER: Vina Jie-Min Prasad, “A Guide for Working Breeds”

Novelette
Did you know that there are some people who prefer the novelette as a story-length? Those people are weird! This is, as it almost always is, the bag which is most mixed. 

Leah Cypress’s “Stepsister” is a re-imagining of Cinderella, from the point of view of the brother of the prince. Guys, I read it, and I tried, and, as could perhaps be predicted11, it did not work for me, like, even a little bit. 

11 NB I really did try, though

A.T. Greenblatt’s  “Burn or the Episodic Life of Sam Wells as a Super” is a fine, if a little long, look at the necessity of even superheroic organizations to have accountants, among other things. It’s joyful, or playful, or something that means “positively-inflected but just short of funny, as such”, which is nice, especially in this set of stories. It’s fine, but it also wasn’t my favorite thing here, and, while I wouldn’t discourage anyone from reading it, it’s not the winner here. 

Meg Elison’s “The Pill” concerns the titular beauty treatment (it reduces everyone’s size/shape until they are a size/shape that is recognizable, specifically, as being a body from “the pill”), which has potentially-deadly side effects, and which sweeps through the culture. The main character, for reasons laid out in the story, is not interested, and the story follows her to the life that decision enables her to lead. It’s a good story about self-determination and the nature of bodies.

Sarah Pinsker’s “Two Truths and a Lie” was much-praised in the Stokers writeup12. It’s an astonishing story that I loved very much, and that means I was very surprised to read a better one. 

12 and will be so for the Locus Awards, and the Hugo Awards. The World Fantasy Awards nominees aren’t out, but it’s eligible, and if it’s nominated, it’ll be praised in this space for those as well

Caroline M. Yoachim’s “Shadow Prisons”, is a story, presented in three parts, about a particularly terrifying future prison, or rather, a method of imprisonment, and the government that allowed and implemented it. It has a dread-inducing setup, and propels itself neatly to a third act that I found genuinely surprising, and highly effective. Go read it, it’s the best thing here. 

RIGHTFUL WINNER: Caroline M. Yoachim, “Shadow Prisons”

Novella
While not everything here was exactly my cup of tea, this might be the most well-constructed that the nominees in this category have ever been: each of these is recommended if for no reason other than the craft of their writing itself. 

R.B. Lemberg’s The Four Profound Weaves takes place in a world that was first detailed in a poetry collection, and it feels very like a novella written by a poet. The language is lovely and the images – magic is accomplished by weaving all sorts of materials, which lends itself naturally to a lot of lovely and surprising mental pictures – are intriguing. I like that the two main characters are, in fact, very old, and have to deal with the state of that. It’s languid, and, like its protagonist, moves slowly and not-at-all surely toward its goal, but the prose is wonderful. 

Ekpeki Oghenechovwe Donald’s Ife-Iyoku, the Tale of Imadeyunuagbon is a tale of a post-apocalyptic Africa, in which nuclear weapons are diverted toward Africa to detonate after having been fired at someone else13. The survivors gather together, learn how to use magic, and divide the labor among the sexes, and then all but one of the women dies. It’s not so bad, but it’s very gritty, which is generally a problem for your humble narrator. 

13 this, the setup for why the world of the book is the way that it is, is probably my favorite thing about it. 

Yaroslav Barsukov’s Tower of Mud and Straw was one I’d never heard anything about. It’s a highly allegorical story about the dangers of little-understood technology, and the destructive nature of revenge (and, sometimes, of affection). It was definitely an impressive debut, and I bet I’ll have a lot more to say about Barsukov as time goes by. 

I had high hopes for Tochi Onyebuchi’s Riot Baby, which probably isn’t fair, or conducive to enjoying the work on its own terms, but it’s the case that, while I liked a lot of it, I found the economy of language both impressive and, frankly, a bit hindering – it was very easy to miss important information because lots of things are said once, and minimally. That said, it was a compelling story, and I found it genuinely moving. 

Nino Cipri’s Finna is a sort of Wrinkle in Ikea story, where the titular14 gigantic home-goods store is connected to multiple dimensions, and the set of policies that guide the incursion into/out of those dimensions are, of course, terrible and complex. There’s meant to be at least one sequel (I think it comes out later this year), which is wonderfully exciting, and if you want to read the most fun one of these, it’s probably this one. 

14 that is to say, the store is called Finna

Although, honestly, P. Djeli-Clark’s Ring-Shout is only a notch below it in terms of fun, and is a lot more besides. A sort of alternate-historical tale of a woman with a sword, who takes on the Ku Kluxes (in this case, supernatural pointy-headed beings) and their associated Klan, the former having been summoned by the latter via Birth of a Nation. It proceeds from there, and it’s as well-written and well-constructed as everything else Clark has written15, and I think it’s the best work here. 

15 There’s also a brief mention of what I hope is a sequel hook, about Maryese going off to find a man in Rhode Island with some really terrible ideas. FINGERS CROSSED.

THE RIGHTFUL WINNER: P. Djeli-Clark, Ring Shout

Novel
And, finally, the hardest category: these are all so wildly different from one another that it was hard to compare them, but, of course, compare them I must, so I did. So there.

I talked about Silvia Moreno-Garcia’s Mexican Gothic when it was nominated for a Stoker award, and have nothing more to say about it there, except that it was still pretty good, and it still isn’t the winner here. 

C.L. Polk’s Midnight Bargain is the best of their books that I’ve read, although there’s still an awful lot of Austenian court drama and all that. I get that that’s what they’re doing here, I also get that it’s not my favorite thing in the world, and that there are maybe two too many conversations that happen where one person is, in fact, refusing to say anything other than announce their own indignation, and a parent who is so selfish and pointlessly cruel that it’s genuinely frustrating to try to believe anyone would behave that way16. All the stuff with the fairies is a lot of fun, though, and if all of that stuff sounds like something that wouldn’t keep you away then, by gum, I bet you’ll enjoy it. 

16 I probably should set aside some time to examine why I find that so unpleasant to read and not, say, all the stuff about slavering monsters or whatever that I don’t have any trouble with at all. I think it comes down to one of my oldest fears being that there’s a set of rules that I don’t know about (and have no way to know about), but am still expected to follow, which is, of course, more-or-less exactly what’s happening in this story, and it makes me really anxious. 

Rebecca Roanhorse’s Black Sun is a huge swing, and a lot of people love it. It’s got a lot going for it: Roanhorse is very good at giving the reader a glimpse at her unique characters (who are, in this case, also in a tremendously unique situation). There’s a big, world-changing set of events happening here, and, despite the novel’s length, they follow each other briskly enough that it never gets bogged down. My primary complaint is that this is extremely the first installment in a series – there’s a lot of world, and a lot of setup, and even as well as its drawn and paced, it’s also the case that it isn’t an entire story17. I look forward to finishing the story, though, in the future book(s). 

17 my secondary complaint is that one of the four point of view characters makes it very far into the book before thinking “oho! Perhaps I am being undermined!” and another of them barely makes it into the book

Martha Wells’s Network Effect is Murderbot’s novel-length debut, and of course Murderbot crushes their novel-length debut. It’s different from the novellas in many of the ways that the Star Trek movies were different from episodes of Star Trek – there’s more time, so there’s more stakes, and also Wells was willing to do some absolutely wild things with her characters and the plot. My heart has a large part of it set aside for absolutely bonkers space-opera, and, well, this fits in there quite nicely. It isn’t the “best” bit of work here, but it’s the one I’m going to re-read the most often.

I also have a space in my heart for urban fantasy, especially when it involves dealing with Lovecraftian-type villainy, and so I also loved N.K. Jemisin’s The City We Became, in which the title is considerably more literal than I figured it would be. It kicks off with my favorite of her short-stories, “The City Born Great”, and proceeds from there as it brings the boroughs of New York City together to stop, well, I won’t give it away. There’s giant cities fighting, there’s people not knowing how to deal with each other, and there is, delightfully, occasionally the personifications of other cities. It’s a lot of fun.

Susannah Clarke writes very, very slowly (apparently), and so it seems like it’s been forever since Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell, but man, she can take as long as she wants when the result is as good as Piranesi. At first a mystery about what’s going on in a house, and then the sort of story where a thriller is taking place just offscreen, it actually is considerably more than both, a sort of puzzle-box of a thing, where a great deal is going on that you just can’t see, and that rewards all of the thought and attention and re-reading you can give it. It’s a lovely book, and while my heart thinks it should go to The City We Became (or, if I’m being honest, Murderbot), I really do think Piranesi is, as a piece of writing, the best of all of these.

THE RIGHTFUL WINNER: Susannah Clarke, Piranesi

The Best Records of May 2021

Jaimie Branch – Fly or Die Live (I mean, it does what it says on the tin, but man, it is one hell of a recording. It’s boom times for live albums generally – for perhaps obvious reasons – but this one is especially must-hear)

Nadja – Luminous Rot (Of all the experimental metal bands going, I find Nadja the most compelling, primarily because I’m always surprised to find the ways that their songs propel themselves in the absence of any of the usual stuff that heavy bands – even experimental heavy bands – rely on)

Sons of Kemet – Black to the Future (I mean, saxophone or clarinet plus two drummers plus tuba plus some really urgent vocals is pretty much always going to work for me.)

Black Midi – Cavalcade (I slept a bit on their first record, and it took me awhile to come around, but I’m really into this one, and I see the error of my ways)

Kipp Stone – Faygo Baby (not only is this a particularly effective piece of work, but it’s by the rapper who is probably, at this moment, physically closest to my house. I mean, I don’t know what my neighbors do, so that might not be true, but it’s possible)