Things That Didn’t Suck 8-19 to 8-26

1. The Victorio 571B Banana Slicer
Because, really, I am powerless to argue against a consensus like that. That is obviously a fine and powerful piece of kitchen equipment.
2. The end of The Office
Y’know, what with one thing and another, I’ve never actually been that regular a viewer of The Office. I think it’s funny, and I watch episodes when I’m in front of a televisual viewing device that is playing them, but I’ve never made them  a part of my routine viewing schedule. That said: anything I saw from this most recent season was pretty moribund, and it’s good to see that they’re putting it out of everyone’s misery. Although between it and 30 Rock ending this year, and NBC’s announcement that they’re “dumbing down” their comedies1, it certainly seems like another fallow period for funny things on tv. This never would’ve happened if you assholes had watched Best Friends Forever like I told you to.

3. Even the idea of Kanye being a judge on American Idol
I don’t even care if it actually winds up happening or not. Can you imagine it? Kanye “MY CAPS LOCK KEY IS LOUD” West in the role of Randy “it’s a little pitchy, dawg” Jackson? Actually, if they put together the best of the rumored candidates, which would be Nicki Minaj, Mariah Carey and Kanye West, you wouldn’t even need to have the contest. In fact, I bet you couldn’t even have a singing competition. That said, if they have two rappers as judges, they might even have to open it up to rappers to be contestants! I used to watch American Idol every year, if only because I like watching people be good at the stuff they’re doing on tv (it’s what compelled me to watch Project Runway for a couple of years, and keeps me watching Top Chef even though the producers have been infected with a legendary case of the brainworms), but I’ve fallen off in the last couple of years. If this continues apace, I will be back in with bells on for the next season.

4. Doug Loves Movies in general, and the first episode of this week’s in particular
We here at ohioneedsatrain.com aren’t generally in the business of podcast-endorsement, which is weird, because we both listen to podcasts with some frequency. Anyway, the best episodes of DLM are generally any episode with Pete Holmes in it. And if they can’t get Pete Holmes, this is the next best one. The guests are lively and each funny, with special props to John Mulaney for his hilarious series of text messages and Paul Rudd for being Paul Rudd.

5. This de-make of Borderlands 2
De-makes in general are pretty funny, but this one is especially so (at least for a few minutes). Borderlands 2 is shaping up to be basically the best thing ever, and this is the latest in a pretty-incredible series of promotional materials for it. So go play it, and watch all the trailers, and then buy the game because you owe me after what you did to Best Friends Forever.

1 not to mention that utterly terrible Animal Practice, in which Prior Walter and a bunch of fart jokes vie for the title of “biggest disappointment in this half-hour.”