Things that didn’t suck 6-24 to 6-30

1. The Alan Partridge movie finally almost existing
This has been bubbling its way through the pipeline for most of the last decade or so, and I’m super-stoked to know that it’s actually reaching some degree of “actually happening.” Alan Partridge is one of the funniest characters ever created for comedy, and all I want is for there to be about ten times more AP material than there already is.

2. An open letter from a “millenial”
I actually don’t have a particular dog in this fight, necessarily. I think I’m a couple years too old to actually be called a millenial as such, and even if I’m not, I’ll still disqualify myself. And really, the point isn’t inter-generational squabbling: I actually loathe the weird media-obsession1 with that actually meaning anything beyond the obvious “they were all about the same age when stuff happened historically”. Anyway, what makes me happy about this is someone from easily – easily – the most-maligned generation finally addressing the smug, condescending member of the older generation. I like the fight, I like the squabble, and most of all I like that this kid is totally owning that shit. I don’t necessarily think I agree with his points, but I don’t have to.

3. The finest literary achievement in American history
Robert Sylvester Kelly is one of America’s foremost artistic thinker. And, having reinvented R&B and long-form short-films2, he turns his mind to matters of the pen, which is mightier than the sword, but almost certainly not mightier than his “sword,” and definitely not mighter than bullets, as he met both Tupac and Biggie and failed to keep either one alive. Don’t think of that as R. Kelly’s failure. Think of it as his success. Think of all of the lives he would go on to touch, merely by believing he could fly which, dudes, he totally played for Biggie who totally loved him just like Tupac did.

4. Extremely long years
2012, a leap year with a leap second, is officially one of the longest years any of us will ever live through3. Now, I spent my leap day fixing the problems with the timestream, so I think I’ve earned the right to a little rest and relaxation on my leap second, so I’m going to use it to google old Bloom County strips. Which I then won’t have time to read, but it’ll be nice to think about. Thanks, extra second!

5. Birds with arms
Guys. They’re birds. Birds that have arms. These birds have human arms on them. And they’re birds. And they have arms.

1 and I realize it’s only some of the media, but I hate it so much that I’m letting my blind rage obscure the facts of the matter.
2 Trapped in the Closet: the only film so good that its genre is a god-damned paradox.
3 except those filthy fucking millenials, who are obviously hiding all the good cures until we’re all dead.

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